We try not to judge here in BougieLand. (I don't always succeed but I do try) We give laser-beam side-eyes and call bullshiggity but how people choose to live their lives is their business for the most part and I say… good for them. I do, however; feel the need to share my opinions on certain things. One of those things being "open" relationships. During Mo'Nique's interview with Barbara Walters she shared that her marriage (to her third husband Sidney) is an "open" one. [The comment is around the 9:00 mark on the video embedded below]
By open, she means that both she and her husband are free to have sex with other people while still remaining married to each other. She feels like being attracted to someone else and acting on it is not a betrayal of the marriage vows and should not be considered cheating. Okay, let's pause for a minute to digest this. Let's move beyond the fact that she didn't need to share all of that with Barbara. Some things are best kept between you and yours. But again, we're stepping past that. Let me just say for the record, I call bullshiggity. It's one thing to say it but if Sidney was all of a sudden rolling random broads up and through her house on a regular basis – I have to wonder how that would work out. And what if he decided he was attracted to men? Would she still feel the same way? I'm just wondering.
Alright, I'll take it at face value. Maybe she's just that open minded and it's fine with her if her husband (with whom she took vows) shares the physical part of himself with another. Okay then.
As for me, Bougienistas? I. CAN'T. DO. IT. I cannot. Actually, I can't even conceive of it. I'm that girl who has "the conversation." The minute I think a relationship is headed in that direction, I have the "cheat on me and get cut" conversation. And I mean, I have it in depth. So there are no so-called misunderstandings later. I usually start off on a teasing note explaining that I am the third of four children and feel like I've shared enough in my lifetime. I have learned this lesson the hard way. I don't share men. Not even a little bit. Not for a weekend, a night, a mad moment of too much Sparkling Moscato. No sir. Not me. Not even the experimental threesome. I'm just not that chick.
I know sex isn't the end-all, be-all of relationships. However, I'm unable to separate the act from the intimacy. Some people can, I'm just not one of them. And if I am so blessed as to get married someday – well, I can only imagine that my intense feelings about fidelity will be multiplied. I'm old school. I still see marriage as holy covenant. "Let no man put asunder" and all of that. It seems like if you want to be in an "open" relationship that you don't really want to be married. But again... that's just me.
I'm opening the floor on this one. Would you ever have an "open" relationship? What about an "open" marriage? What did you think when heard Mo'Nique had discussed this with Barbara? Thoughts, comments, insights? The floor is yours, BougieLand…