Ex-SOs and Grown Folks’ “Difference of Opinion”


So... Derrick (formerly known as New Dude) and I had our first "difference of opinion" Wednesday. About our respective exes. We were chatting away when I mentioned that my ex was coming into town in a few weeks and I was considering meeting him for dinner. I somehow have the crazy (and improbable) thought that I can now (being less bitter and therefore less likely to stab him with a stiletto) be friends with my ex, Gene. Not call him up and chat friends or Facebook friends but see-you-twice-a-year-and-it-doesn't-make-me-physically-ill friends. Because I'm so mature, evolved, grounded and whatnot now. [Save your side-eyes people]

The silence on Derrick's end of the line grew and he finally said, "Do you feel you need to see him for some reason?" I said no, not really and if it was going to be a "thing" I really didn't have to go. He laughed and said, "Oh no, I'm not going to be that guy. The 'you can't see your ex' guy. If you want to go, you should go. Let's not get weird about exes. Did I mention that my ex is thinking about transferring to Dallas?" See what he did right there?

"Uh, no… I do not believe you mentioned that. How did you find out?"

"She called earlier to tell me that she was looking at houses in the neighborhood."

"In YOUR neighborhood?"

"Yeah, said she looked at a house two blocks away from mine. Kinda freaked me out."

"It's freaking ME out. There are twenty-six suburbs of Dallas I could name on a whim, why does she feel the need to move into yours?"

"I don't know. I don't care. It's not a big deal. Has no effect on you, me - uh, us whatsoever."

Okay. Here's where the conversation went off the rails because if you all recall, I met old girl and she is deeply entrenched in the bitter and bitchy category of female. I can't think of one good thing that could come of her moving two blocks away from him. But instead of saying that I said that me going to dinner with the ex is but a drop floating in the breeze as opposed to the tsunami of his ex moving in next door. 

Then he said, "Oh so you definitely decided to go? Just like that? Okay, that freaks me out a little." So I told him he can come with me if he likes, meet the ex, get easy with it. I could guarantee that my ex would be far more cordial than his ex. Then we sparred briefly over the fact that it wasn't a competition of the exes. And I might have mentioned that I thought he was being naïve about his ex's motive for moving to his state, city and zip code. [For the record, grown-ass men don't appreciate being called naïve. He politely but firmly put me in check. Color me checked.]

Long story short, we kept talking until it became funny. He said the problem was that we were just too rock star and people that had us hated to let go. I don't know why we thought that was so funny but we did. We also decided that we don't trust either of the exes. After all, they were stupid enough to let catches like us go. [His sense of humor is as silly as mine] 

So, he's curious to know what my ex has to say and I'm curious to know what the hell his ex is thinking. I'll be going to dinner with Gene, he'll be calling Evilena. And then we'll share "here's what the ex said" stories. Oh and he told me when I go to dinner, I can't wear anything cute. Then he changed his mind and said, "No actually, be extra cute. So he feels extra bad that he let you get away." I found that hilarious. [Like I hadn't planned to be cute?!]

We had made a pact a few weeks back to keep a conversation going as long as one party felt they had something to say that hadn't been heard or agreement was reached (even if we agreed to disagree). And we agreed to ask and answer the tough questions like him asking me "Do I need to worry about you going out to dinner with your ex?" I said no. He asked if I still had feelings for him and I said I always would but none that would get in our way if we were indeed, trying to make a way. He said he still has some bitterness towards his ex but it's more of a resigned "she is what she is and at least I'm free of it" feeling.

So um, what ya'll think about his crazy ex trying to be around the corner? Am I crazy or does she seem extra shady? Can we agree that ex-SOs can be problematic, even when they're gone? Thoughts, comments, insights?