Random Thought - Beware the Baggage


So I was having coffee with New Dude and my mind was actually on about twenty different things. I finally noticed that he was silent and looking at me with arched brow. 

"So what's up?" He asked.

I shook my head. "Nothing just working through some stuff in my head."

"Like what?"

"I don't want to bother you with it." I shrugged.

He got super still and said. "But that's what I'm here for. To be bothered. I'm trying to be bothered."

Uh-oh. He pulled out the "tart" tone of voice. "Um. Okay."

"I'm not clueless or incapable of picking up on signs. You've got trust issues and you rarely take things at face value. You don't pour out your feelings or wear your heart on your sleeve. I get that. But damn, I'm trying to earn your trust here. I'm trying to be that guy. Put you first, pay attention, the whole nine but you gotta give me a chance."

"I do, I mean... I am!"

"You know half the time you are giving me a side-eye just waiting for me to say or do something terrible. And I have to literally pry thoughts and feelings out of you. I'm feeling like the chick. Sucks and it's unsettling."

"No. I don't really, do I?" I thought about it, winced. Owned it. "Damn it, I might. That's terrible. I'm sorry. I'm overly cautious probably."

"Michele, you're gun-shy as hell."

"Or we could call it that. I'll do better."

"I mean, I'm generally a nice guy."

"You are."

"But I already know you well enough to know that you were dying to tack on 'so far' at the end of that sentence."

I really had wanted to. It was on the tip of my tongue. "It's gonna take some mental adjustment. I appreciate the patience."

He smiled. "If you weren't cute I would have given up weeks ago."

"Ha! Wait, what?"

"Joking."

"You got jokes."

"Okay then, so what were you thinking about?"

And I told him. I talked for close to an hour straight. (Hey, he asked) I talked about family and finances and sports and weather and epic fail of the NAACP (whole other topic). And he was so happy that I was "letting him in", he had this huge smile on his face. When we got up to leave, he gave me this huge tight hug. 

I felt like pure shiggity. Without really realizing it, I'd kind of been perching on the edge of this relationship (not even wanting to call it a relationship) with one foot in and one foot already out just in case it all imploded. He knew it but didn't say anything until now. If you had asked me if I thought I was dragging baggage from the past into the future, I would have vehemently said no. But there it was. 

Damn baggage. Eventually you have to just let it go. What are ya'lls thoughts on that?