RWNTD*: Don’t give a test you’re not sure they’ll pass (pt 1)


Normally, I'm a tactful person but I received the most-stupidest (yeah, I said it) letter from a grown woman recently that I simply must point out the rampantly ignorant error of her ways. I'm not going to cut and paste the letter because it was long and painful to read. Let me paraphrase:

Thirty-two year old woman met "good man" also thirty-two years of age. Grown-Ass Woman (GAW) and Grown-Ass Man (GAM) are six months into the dating thing and it's all good. But GAW has doubts, is GAM really all he is cracked up to be? She thinks he's The One but does he feel the same way?

GAW devises a plot [if I soundtracked the blog here's where I would insert the ominous piano chords] to test her man. She enlists a "friend" [the quotes will be self-explanatory shortly] to help her with this test. The plan is for cute sexy friend (CSF) to roll up on GAM and see how he responds. Does he take the bait? Does he flirt? Or more?

To GAM's credit, the first time CSF ran game on him he smiled and politely declined her offer of naked olive oil slip 'n slide and went on about his day. He even went so far into the Good Man Handbook as to tell GAW that some random broad tried to pick him up while he was out drinking with the boys. They laughed about it.

GAW in her infinite ignorance sends CSF after him one mo' gin. He flirts back a little bit longer but sends CSF packing with the specific words, "I'm seeing someone else but I'm flattered." Again, he tells GAW and even says, "Why is this woman so persistent?" GAW answers with a laugh, "I guess she sees something she likes." She calls CSF and tells her to stand down - GAM passed the test and she's satisfied he is a "good man". 

Unbeknownst to GAW, she just hit the nail on the head. CSF did see something she liked... a lot. Having decided that GAM was an awesome catch, CSF went after him with a full scale attack. CSF even used information gleaned from conversations with GAW to hook that man and reel him in. Her intel was apparently considerable. She had that man's head turned around for months. GAW knew something was going on with him but wasn't sure what. CSF's slam dunk move (the one that won the game) was to tell GAM that GAW had sicced her on him but she couldn't do it anymore because she fell in love with him and she couldn't stand to see him deceived. He deserved so much better!

What do you think happened next?! Oh yes, GAM dumps GAW in an angry huff. He and CSF are now engaged to be married. GAW lost her man and her friend. She's spending her free time writing me twelve page emails chock full of bitter expletives about how she's been betrayed.

Sister-girl... betrayed my ass - let me count just some of the ways you JACKED this up yourself:
One - you were happy but you rocked the boat because of your own insecurities
Two - you sent temptation his way. Not once but at least twice.
Three - NEVER tell your girlfriends EVERYTHING about your man. That can bite you in the ass so many ways. 
Four - how good a friend was she if she was willing to go along with this?
Five - True, GAM could've resisted but that's a moot point now, isn't it?

Girl, I'm sorry but you're stupid. Put plain, you let the enemy into your camp having already handed them the blueprint and strategy to get to the prize. WDDDA? No, I'm not absolving your trifling "friend" or your former boyfriend but you have got to see where you brought trouble to your own doorstep. 

For the record ya'll - I don't like "tests" in relationships. I think time, judgment, intuition and observation will tell you what you need to know about someone. What say you, BougieLand? To test or not to test? Any insights on the story I just shared? Would you ever do such a thing? Thoughts, comments?

Tomorrow: Pt 2 of Don't give a test you're not sure they'll pass, a man's story. 

*RWNTD: Relationship What Not to Do