Bougie Bachelorette Chronicles - Episode 3: Bullshiggity, Bingo and Buffalo

When last we checked in, Mocha Dude and Mr C were attempting to set me up with some fellas. I had to take out my Bible and respond to dude wanting a Proverbs 31 woman and offering little in return. I told Mocha Dude and Mr. C that in order for me not to become jaded and tart, they had two more chances and then I was just going to shut it down for a little while. The search for Mr. Good-Bougie would have to wait.

As is known to happen the minute you announce your intentions to quit dating all together, men commence to falling out of the woodwork. I had posted a few pictures of myself and family on Facebook and though it took me a minute to notice, all of a sudden the number of male friends requests was up. Significantly. :-/ Since my Facebook page is 98% writing and blog related; unless someone is truly offensive with their FB approach, I accept the friendship. I don't have to like you to sell you a book, okay? #HustleRules

But freakin' Facebook! I have changed my privacy settings a gazillion times and they keep giving out my email address. Usually I don't mind.  Until I get something like this:
HELLO..good sweet lady,i am (name excluded),love your updates & profile,.well my hobbies are ,travelling,reading,swimming,dancing.i travelled a lot due to my occupation.love to be more than a ffriend to you............am just single& looking for my true love,& it might just shock you ,that have found love in you...............thaks for reading my mail,i care to know you more ,i adore you...........FROM XXX
For real tho? Let me remove my disdain for the abysmal grammar first and get into the content. You adore me? Just like that? You've never met me but you've "found love in me"? PLEASE TELL ME SOME WOMAN OUT THERE IS NOT FALLING FOR THIS SHIGGITY! 

I received three other similarly disturbing emails before I got Facebook security to scrub any and everywhere they had my email address. It's my Michele Grant email anyway. Not that someone can't find it here or on my MicheleGrant.net website but let's make the crazies work for it a little bit, shall we?

Next up was a gentleman named Theodis. I decided the only way to remove all semblance of pre-judgment was to simply think of him as Theo. He is 47 years old, former military, current exec, divorced, two grown kids. Theo and I played phone tag for days. I'm not that hard to catch up with but this dude couldn't seem to manage. I am always susupect when someone calls me, I call right back and all of a sudden they are not able to answer their phone. Three times in a row. But moving on...

Theo took to calling at off hours trying to catch me - 6:00 in the morning, 1:30 at night. By this time, I wasn't so eager to chat. His messages were just a mite overly familiar. "One day you and I will lie in bed laughing about how we played phone tag in the beginning. Let's start laughing now." Um, a little bit icky? Finally, one night we connected via text. It was closing in on 11:00pm. He asked if I was going to be up for a while. I replied maybe, why? He said he was out but he'd call when he got in. At 12:30 he called and said he had been at Bingo. 

[we're pausing] Yes, ninja said Bingo. Said he plays three times a week and did I play? I told him I did not, I was sleepy and I'd send him a text in the morning. 

The last guy they were hesitant to set me up with because he's younger and they weren't sure I how cougarific I was feeling. Plus he lives in Houston so they weren't sure how I felt about distance. I told them to let me talk to him first. We talked and talked and talked. Five hour conversation. Such a great conversation that he came up and we had lunch the next day. Gulp. I had no description of dude prior to meeting him. Dude is 6'9" and rather nice to look at. [read fine and chockful of chocolatey goodness] Six-Nine! Sweet Jesus. Engineer, originally from Cali. Divorced, two kids. We have a similarly stupid sense of humor.

The lunch went well. He came back up Wednesday for lunch. All conversational snap-crackle-and-pop. We're meeting this weekend in Buffalo, Texas (exactly halfway between Houston and Dallas) for dinner and a movie. (If there is a movie theater in Buffalo?) And then we'll see.

I put a lot of stock in "vibe" and Bingo Dude just felt hinky. Y'all know hinky, like something there just wasn't quite right. Never gave FB stalker another thought after cutting and pasting his email over here. So between Bullshiggity Stalker, Bingo Dude, and Buffalo Soldier... who ya think I'm rolling with for now? 

BougieLand, who plays Bingo under the age of sixty? (So Not Gangsta/So Not Bougie) Who admits it?  And if it was just a story, that's the best you can come up with? Who sends crazy stalkery emails to women they've never met?  Who believes in instant chemistry? Who has thoughts, comments, insights to share? The floor is yours.