Y'all know I try so hard to keep it light-hearted, polite and bougenificent around this parts and then I get some hot mess like the letter I am rolling out for you today. I just... I can't... why... let me just get on with it.
Today's letter comes from John in Portland. I actually semi-know him, he is a frat brother of a my friend Rose's ex-husband Chad. We met at their wedding years ago. John is 38, handsome, very successful and sorta engaged. You'll see what I mean shortly:
Hi Michele, congrats on the books. You're doing great things on the blog. I've been reading since the very beginning and it's great to see the growth and audience participation. I don't comment but I thought I'd send over a little of my situation to see what you and the rest of BnB thinks.
A few years ago. I met a great girl. Beautiful, professional, Christian, a real sweetheart. I'll call her Pam. After dating for about two years, we got engaged. A month (three months ago) after getting engaged, she told me that she wanted to stop "swirling the cocoa" until the wedding night. Obviously, I wasn't happy but it was only going to be a six month wait so I agreed.
It's been hard (I mean that in every way possible) but bearable. For New Year's Eve weekend, we went away to Cabo. Tequila happened and next thing you know - cocoa time. So (pardon the detail), we're in mid-swirl and things are getting heated when she starts getting vocal with her approval. Unfortunately, right after calling out my name, Pam called out another name. Not mine. I probably should have stopped right there but you know - three months. So we finished and went to sleep.
The next morning over breakfast I asked her who Kevin was. She said without blinking that she didn't know what I was talking about. I told her she called out his name and she said I must have misheard her in the heat of the moment. I kept after her and she said that there is no Kevin. With nothing but a tequila hangover and a blurry idea of what happened, I dropped it. Since then we've been back on regular cocoa. It's better than ever, amazing actually and she hasn't said anything like that again. There's no Kevin at her work or in her cell phone.
I half think I imagined the whole thing. But if I didn't what's the possibility that her calling out someone else's name in bed isn't something I should worry about? I lowkey just don't want to rock the boat but I knew I could count on you to give me a sanity check. What do you think? Am I being played?
Feel free to be brutally honest. -John
Brutal honesty coming right up: Maybe someone in BougieLand will have a different view but from what you've relayed, yessir you are being played... well. Like a fiddle. Make that a Stradivarius. Why do you think she resumed passing out the hot chocolate AND elevated it to "amazing" level? John, she is cocoa-ing you into submission to make sure you are at that altar. If it wasn't for the fact that you are a friend of a friend, I'd have to semi-admire your girl's game.
Please understand what has happened here from the outside looking in. She got the ring but still had a few oats to sow. She's not skanky enough to do you and others (Kevin) at the same time so she put you on cocoa restrictions under the guise of wanting that White Wedding Feeling. But then it was just you and her and top shelf tequila in Mexico. She went with the moment, you are the future husband after all. The moment got hot and she forgot who she was with.
Believe me, a woman in bed calls out 1) The guy she's really into {usually the one that's currently in her!} and 2) Jesus, Lord, Jehovah, God - whichever all-powerful being we pray to and springs to our lips first. What's said in the heat of passion is generally what's real. I was not in an intimate situation when I accidently called one man by another's one name. We were just riding in the car. **crickets** I tried to play it off but the damage was done. Let me introduce you to the following term:
Freudian slip n. A verbal mistake that is thought to reveal a repressed belief, thought, or emotion.
Freudian slip n. A verbal mistake that is thought to reveal a repressed belief, thought, or emotion.
And no sir, you did not imagine that she called out someone else's name. You heard what you heard. And she knew she said it as soon as it flew out of her mouth. But you waited until the next morning to call her on it and she was able to play it off by then.
It's your engagement/relationship/life but - something's rotten in the state of Denmark. Before you say, "I do" make sure she didn't with some dude named Kevin.
BougieLand - what do you think? Fellas - I'd especially like to hear your thoughts on this one. Am I the only one who thinks something's off? Ladies - if the shoe was on the other foot (your man said someone else's name), what would you do? Am I making more of this than it is? Comments, insights and thoughts welcome...
[And yes, this is just part one. We have a follow-up letter from John tomorrow!]
[And yes, this is just part one. We have a follow-up letter from John tomorrow!]