Happy Monday, y'all! Dr. Jayme and I have been (in all our spare time) conducting some feedback sessions with people that write in with questions to BougieLand. Not counseling just discussions where we figure out where their head was when they sent in the question. Today's three gents chatted with us for about an hour before things got heated. I decided to bring the discussion to BnB. I already know some people are going to act a pure "D" fool over this topic. But let's get the stories.
Case 1) Wil, our resident resident in Phoenix has been besieged on his Facebook page by friendship requests from ladies of the Caucasian persuasion. Though Dr. Martin is biracial, he has a strong preference for the Nubian Queens. A particularly persistent girl asked him why he wouldn't return her emails and he said he was really only interested in dating black women. She called him a racist.
Case 2) Jake, our resident sister-loving white guy in Tampa catches wreck on the regular from friends, family and people who don't know him. He has only dated black girls since the age of 14. (He's 29 now) He actually gets irritated when he is asked why he dates black women. His response is always the same "I just like what I like."
Case 3) Gerald K, a professional brother 32 years of age living in Atlanta who has stated emphatically (on this blog even) that sisters are simply "not worth the trouble" and only dates white women. Not Asian or Latina or any other flavor. He calls it "a lifestyle preference." But did say that if there was a sister who acted "less black" he would give her a shot.
I'll admit that on a personal level (I am a Black woman after all), Gerald irritated me. He argued that it wasn't a knock against black women, he just chooses not to "be bothered" with us anymore. He wanted to know what the difference was between him, Wil and Jake. [This is when the conversation got heated.]
I may or may not have told Gerald that he wasn't going to be missed by any of the sisters. Gerald said Jake only dated black women because they were "low-hanging fruit." Jake may have called him an unrepeatable name. Jayme had to tell all of us to play nice. Wil said his issue with Gerald was that he assumed that all Black women were the same due to packaging (skin color). Wil said he simply preferred to have a cultural commonality with a woman he was in a relationship with. Jake, on the other hand, had grown up around black girls and that's really all he ever knew and felt comfortable with until college. And by then, (as he said) he was hooked.
But when Jayme asked them to describe the characteristics of their perfect woman (without race and appearance) and then asked them what would happen if they found that perfect woman in a different flavored (or sized) package, the whole conversation was stymied. This had not occurred to them.
So is it racist to only consider one particular race in your dating pool? What's the difference between a preference and prejudice? Who's right? Who's wrong? Who's rolling with Wil, Jake or Gerald? And what would you do if your perfect mate came in an unexpected package? Play nice in the comments, the floor is yours...