I'm so mad about this Ask a Bougie Chick Letter, I can hardly type it up. Ya'll know how much I hate talking about hair. Hate, hate, hate. Le Sigh. Okay, here we go. I'm going to call this girl LovelyLocks. Lovely Locks lives in the Seattle area and just got an ultimatum from her long-time boyfriend. Take a deep breath, a patience pill and read this mess.
Hey OneChele,I appreciate the candid way you give advice on BnB. Hoping you can share a thought with me on this. I'm 26 and have been dating the same guy since the end of college (I was 22 then). We met on campus. One of the things he has always said he loved about me is my long hair. I've been getting perms since I was old enough to climb in the chair.
But lately I've been thinking that I'd like to cut some (like a lot) and go natural. So I skipped my last perm appointment and have been letting it just kind of air dry so I can see the texture. He noticed it wasn't as flat and asked me why my hair was looking so kinky. I told him I wanted to go natural. He went crazy and said that's not what he signed up for. He said he liked my hair long and straight and I wouldn't be the same person.
I asked him if my hair change would affect our relationship and he said I could have him or I could go natural but he wasn't sticking around for what I would turn into. Jeez, it's not that serious. I was just going to try it. I went and got the perm. But now I'm wondering - did he really ask me to choose between him and a hairstyle? What would you do?~LovelyLocks
*Looks around for Ashton Kutcher* I'm being punk'd, right? Lovely, please tell me you did not write in to ask me if you should change your hair for A MAN?! *kicks over small stack of books* GIRL! Where is your pride? "Not what he signed up for" - are you joking with that? Okay, you know what - I'm going to bring it on back. Here we go. Teachable moment...
Ladies, here's how to tell if you are about to do a crazy, thirsty, need-more-people, need-self-esteem thing. Flip the script. For instance, would a man with dreads cut them off because you asked him to? Or NOT cut them off because you really liked them? Hell. To. The. Naw. If this is the answer, DON'T DO IT.
In the simplest terms, Lovely - the man is supposed to love you. Not your hair. It's YOUR hair. He ain't even put a ring on it and dictating your style? Really?
You know what, I can't even do this. I gotta turn it over to BougieLand. Men, has a woman ever asked you to change something about yourself? If so what, and did you do it? Would you break up with a woman over a haircut? Ladies, please get your girl. Has anyone gone through this type of hair hate? And seriously, WDDDA?!