Ask a Bougie Chick: Where is my Princ(ess) Charming Already?!


Totally feeling this one, it's for everyone who ever wondered - when is it going to happen for me? Where is my Prince/Princess Charming? Is it my turn yet?!
Dear Michele Grant,
I’m in severe need of your advice or opinion about my “love” life. It seems that I can’t win. I've tried personal ads, dating different type of men and been open-minded. I’ll admit that I’m a strong minded woman but I’m fair. When it comes to my love life (or lack of), I can’t win. 
It’s so bad that I asked God on numerous occasions to take the desire to have a relationship, marriage or child away. It hurts to see people around you progressing in those areas while you’re standing still. It’s not that I want their experiences but my own. I hope that I don’t give the impression of someone whom stands around crying about what she doesn't have, I don’t. I just would like to know when I can stop telling myself ‘’It’s not your time”. 
The last substantial relationship was a decade ago. From them to now, I “dated” frequently and have been the amusement of my girlfriends (I always have an unbelievable story). After no real relationships, scares of being infertile (twice) followed by surgery, twice ovarian cancer scares and numerous hours of praying, I’m numb. I am grateful that everything turned out fine (no infertile and no cancer), it leads me to question ‘Now what?”. 
I had to come to the realization that maybe God’s plan for me isn't to be a mother or wife. I pray that his plan is shown to me and if it’s not what I want, let me be ok with it. I hold on to that prayer and it gives me peace until I meet someone and for whatever reason it doesn't work. And if that’s the case, why is he sending people in my life? What’s the reasoning? What is the lesson? 
I’ve been working on being the best me and believe wholeheartedly that I’m 90% there. Is it wrong to want to share my life with someone? How many more times do I have to be hurt and disappointed? I know that our experiences make us stronger and better, but my love life is a freak show. 
I’m in the hunt of peace in my life and tirelessly fighting not to be bitter.
Thank you for your time, CM78
CM78 - Well, I don't deign to know what God has in store for each of us. I've had this discussion with myself, with friends, with family for years before I just let it all go and said whatever will be will be. I know it's cliche and not what you want to hear but the truth is, there is no easy answer. 

If you've read the blog, you know I've had quite the ride on the Relationship Rollercoaster. Dizzying highs, depressing lows and nauseating flips and turns. But in the words of Maya Angelou, "Still I rise." The raw truth is, it happens when it happens. I'm in a happy place right now but if this goes to hell in a handbasket (sorry Ninja!), I'll dust myself off and try again. 

The good news is - people are still coming into your life. So you have options as well as hope. Try not to get too cynical about the ones that didn't work out or got away. Also, it's time to do a forensic review of boyfriends/date past. Just double check that you didn't overlook someone you dated before even if it was only briefly. This is also a great way to see if you are dating or attracting guys who ultimately are not your heart's desire. I made a spreadsheet and included things like how we met, how we communicated, their basic info and what went wrong. You'd be amazed the patterns you can see when it's broken down like that.

As you meet new people, take each person on their own merit. Also, it helps to treat each date or conversation as its own experience. Don't go into a situation thinking, "This might be The One." That's too much pressure. 

What helps is to pray to be fulfilled and satisfied regardless of circumstances. It's a tough one, I'm still waiting for it to 100% kick in. Most of all, stay upbeat and optimistic. Good luck to you!

BougieLand, words for CM78? Have you felt the same? Thoughts, comments, insights?