Bougie Bachelorette Chronicles - Episode 11: Revenge of the hit-n-quit chick


3N has a group of friends here in Dallas. We teasingly call them The Georgia Boys because they all attended UGa at some point in the last 20 years. Inside that group, there are six guys that are pretty close in age and all pledged Alpha. Once a month, they get together with significant others/dates to do something. Last month it was barbecue and softball at a park. This month- dinner at a nice spot with music.

Two of the guys are married, two are dating at least seriously enough to bring the same woman three months in a row, and two? Well... we never know who they're going to show up with.

So on Wednesday evening, we're enjoying the wonders of good food, good company, and great wine when the last guy (we'll call him Jay) rolls in late with his date. 3N looks up and immediately grabs my hand under the table. "Uh, listen. Here's what happened." My brow goes up. Anytime a man starts explaining before you ask a single question, you know something is about to go down.

He's talking low and fast into my ear. "The girl who just walked in with Jay? I know her. We went out once when I first got to town before you and I started going out. It was whack, she got clingy. I told her that I didn't think we were a fit and never called her again."

I nodded and gave her a closer look. Big hair, big boobs, tall heels, tiny dress, attitude. Plus, I got a hit of skank wafting from her. "So that's biblically that you know her?"

"Well yeah. Just the once."

He was so uncomfortable, I had to smirk at him. "So she's your Welcome to Dallas hit-n-quit (HnQ) chick!"

"You are way too amused by this."

I really was. I mean no, it wasn't great that he hit-n-quit but the whole thing was before my time and none of my business. Plus, usually it's my tragic dating history popping up out of nowhere. Seeing his stroll in on the arm of one his frat brothers shouldn't have tickled me... but it did. For the moment anyway.

Jay introduced her around and when he got to 3N, HnQ ran forward towards him. "Hey, great to see you again!" At which point, she started to lean down to get some sort of hug on. 3N extended a hand and said stiffly, "Nice to see you again, have you met my girl Michele yet?" Smooth.

HnQ kinda blinked, nodded in my direction and went around the table to where Jay was holding a chair out for her. He looked from her to 3N. "You two know each other?"

3N nodded. "Briefly." HnQ looked like she wanted to tack a disclaimer on that but the look 3N sent her shut all that nonsense down... or so we thought.

The waiter came to take their order and the conversation picked back up. I ate a seabass and pasta dish so delicious that it almost brought a tear to my eye. The band played a Latin-jazz fusion set and 3N who generally refuses to dance actually cut a step. 3N ordered a chocolatey dessert and I accidentally ate half of it. Good time was had by all. An after dinner mellow had settled over the group. And then...

Out of the blue HnQ said (loudly), "So how long have you been seeing her? And is she why you never called me back? I left you six messages! I know you were into me, what happened?" Damn girl, thirst be thy name?

Before anyone could say or do anything, Jay moved the martini glass away from HnQ and pushed his chair back to stand up. "We'll be leaving now. Say goodbye to HnQ, you won't be seeing her again."

HnQ, sensing she had a captive audience, refused to get up from the table and started going ALL the way in. She started detailing all of the things she did with 3N on their (apparently energetic) night together. 3N put head in hands and the rest of us stared unblinkingly in stunned annoyance. #WDDDA and S.No.B!!!

(for the newbies, that's Where Dey Do Dat At and So Not Bougie!)

Wesley, who is one of those guys who comes across all bougie and quiet but is a complete character, cut her off mid-rant by saying, "Sweetheart, you did all that and he never called you back? Have some pride and take a hint."

Le Ouch and Le Chuckle. That shut HnQ up. Jay lifted her from the chair, tossed some money on the table and rolled out. The evening broke shortly after. 3N was like, "Are you mad?" I said of course I wasn't. He brought up Dude Formerly Known as New and the SEW shenanigans. I let him know that was a totally different situation. "But if she shows up at your house with a halter top and some stripper heels on, we're gonna box." And that was that.

My thoughts on HnQ? First, Jay is a perfectly nice guy. All she had to do was play it cool and she could have kept that bird in the hand. Second, why are you announcing all your skank tendencies in mixed company? Third, six calls? Really tho?

Fellas, have you ever run into a HnQ or former girlfriend when you were out with your new s/o? How did you handle it? Ladies, if your man's former HnQ/Flame/Fiance showed up at a dinner party, how would you handle it? And I wonder, would 3N have been as cool as I was if one of my ex-something-somethings showed up to the party and cut a fool? What do you think? Do share, the floor is yours...