Here's the thing about 90% of the women I know and the woman I am. When I decide that I am "with" a guy, I'm with him. That's it. Until he puts me curbside, we mutually agree upon a split, or I've done all I can do... I'm in it. This is what grown azz women do. They stick. They've been to the circus, they've seen the clowns and their head is not going to be turned by a balloon trick or an offer of cotton candy. We don't want a pony ride when we've already got a stallion... ya dig?
So someone please tell me (fellas!) why men still feel the need to indulge in various forms of pissing contests? If the woman is already won, why mark the territory? Inquiring minds want to know.
About six years ago, BougieMom and I were in a house in Plano that we were thinking of buying. We sat down, worked the numbers, took a look at property taxes and skated our behinds back towards Dallas county.
Here's some backstory: At the time, we had a completely ratchet landscaper named Darryl. This was back when I still worked that "give a brother a break" program. Darryl was a bruh-man trying to get his Plano hustle on. By doing our yard well, he was asked to handle other houses in the subdivision. Darryl got so full of himself doing all the other yards that ours started looking a hot mess. Darryl and BougieMom and I experienced many a falling out. But we were trying to "give a brother a break." Darryl also had the tendency to get real comfy about the home space. I was working from home at the time and he took to knocking on the door asking for water or coffee. Then he took to coming on inside to drink his beverage. We drew the line when he started letting himself in. I would come downstairs in the morning and Brother Darryl would be posted up with my coffee and BougieMom's newspaper. Talking about, "What's for breakfast?" No. Sir. Hell. No.
I was still seeing Gene then. Gene gave Darryl the black man "back the eff up" side-eye on the regular. Things came to a head on the first day of our move. I'm all for hiring movers but I like to take over my clothes, shoes, jewelry and electronics myself. Gene had come into town to assist. Just so happened that Brother Darryl was over tightening up the hedges and decided to get his volunteer on. The next four hours BougieMom and I watched in amazement (and some trepidation) as the two of them basically peed circles around each other.
"If that's too heavy for you, bruh, you can just set it down and I'll scoop it up for ya."
"Bruh, there's nothing I'd set down that you could even remotely begin to handle."
"You move any slower there homey and we'll both still be here at midnight."
"Best believe only one of us will still be here come nightfall, homeboy."
And on it went. Whelp! What was the point? Darryl's crazy azz knew he was married and never getting next to any of this. And Gene knew I wasn't looking twice at Darryl. But as he said, "It was the principal of the thing." Oh Damn.
Fast forward to this past weekend. I'm sharing this story because even 3N had to laugh at his damn self. Middle of the night, 3N is on da twitter talking randomly as he is known to do. Out of the blue, a dude from BnB tweets him to say that he figured out that 3N is the person I'm seeing. Behold the tweet:
I just figured this out. No disrespect but don't eff it up.
3N comes back with: Ain't this some shit. No worries, bruh. I got this.
Other dude comes round again: Good for you if you do. Just know that if you don't... nuff said
3N gets all alpha male: Line starts behind me. Be prepared to wait. A. Long. Time.
Then Riley (who was up at 3am est for some reason!) started throwing shots at the other dude, BaileyQC got in the mix behind 3N, a few other bougienistas weighed in and an entire round robin of shiggity went forth. Other dude started DM'ing 3N and by the time I got up the next morning I was faced with 6 feet 2 inches of salty ninja. What I do?!
First of all... what in the entire hell? Why was other dude coming at 3N sideways in the first place? Secondly, 3N.... bless his heart. He's new to Twitter and the blogosphere but first rule of stopping ratchetassness in its tracks: do. not. engage. MUTE and BLOCK are your friends... use them!
Okay, I will admit to a time or two giving a chick the "he's taken, no trespassing" look but that's only been in the case of egregious claim-jumping attempts (otherwise known as habitual line-stepping). So I have to ask the question... why do men do this? Is this an alpha male thing? Do women territory mark with this same fervency as well? Ladies, have you experienced this? Men, have you done it? Do tell...