3N and I were
forced required compelled to go to his boss' get together last night. We hate those joints. His boss throws the whackest whitest least flavorful get togethers known to man. The last soiree involved a Risk marathon. You remember the game Risk? Took hours and hours and hours to play even when the world was divvied up in advance? Yeah...
So last night, we attend yet another freakity frickin' game night at dude's estate. It's not a house, it's an estate. Someone has to buzz you in to the neighborhood and then into his driveway and then into the house. The economy may be a pile of flaming shiggity but international wealth management is still straight stealing.
Anyway, at least this time we were allowed to chose the game and chose our teams. Unfortunately, boss man and his very plastic wife wanted to be partners with me and 3N. [They are both just a little too damn friendly if you catch my drift, but that's a whole other post] So we chose Scene It for the Wii and sat down with 3 other teams to play. Boss Man hands me the controller, "Bring it home, sister."
**insert laugh track here** [Why I gotta be a sister tho?]
If I had $100 for every time 3N and I did the fake laugh, he and I would be on a plane to Costa Rica for a 10-day all expense paid vacation right now. "Oh my God, you are too funny. Stop, you're killing me. It's too much! He-he-he." The one boss man's his wife took her eyes off of 3N's ass to catch my eye and exchange a glance, I knew she had probably been faking much more than laughter for quite some time. Bless her bleach blonde heart.
It was just a quirk that a lot of the movies in this round of Scene It were mafia movies and it was Mob Week on AMC last week. The other half of the questions were sci-fi and 3N is Mr. Science Fiction. It took no time at all to wrap that game up. There was an awkward moment when one of 3N's coworkers tried to make some sort of joke about a movie he had seen where the aliens had Asian brains and Negro penises. Yeahhhhh.... you know when you're the only people of color in the room and everybody looks at you to see if you're going to start a race riot over some shiggity?
3N to the rescue, "Sounds like you might need more work to do if you have enough spare time to watch movies like that, Jeff."
**insert louder laugh track here** "Ha, ha - you sure told him!"
After making small talk for another twenty minutes and nursing soft drinks, we made our excuses. We have a routine:
3N: "Well, you know Michele's a busy lady, I don't want her to turn into a pumpkin."
Me: "At least not until you buy me the diamond slippers!"
"That's inflation for you!"
"That's inflation for you!"
"You two are so cute!"
It was all giggles until boss man's wife said, "I was hoping you'd stick around, we're going to open some champagne and take a swim in a little while."
We exchanged glances, 3N was looking slightly panicky. I took one for the team. "Girlfriend, you know I just got my hair done. Don't come between a black woman and a fresh do."
"He-he-he! I hear you, girlfriend!"
Whew, we were outta there.
BougieLand, the chit-chatter. The fake work laugh. The stories you've heard before but sit through again. The happy hours that aren't mandatory... but really are. The pretense of liking folks you would never (ever, ever) spend time with otherwise... who's done it and how'd you get through it? Have you developed a work social persona? An exit strategy? Do tell...