Facebook, which is quickly becoming the bane of my existence, was littered with armchair psychologists over the weekend who were determined to let men and women know why they don't have a woman/man and aren't going to get one.
The prevailing thoughts on this were the following:
1. You bougie folks think you are too good for a "regular" person - Please, can't someone miss me with that. This argument always (ALWAYS) dissolves into various "us" vs. "them" arguments. Class, education, body type, hair preferences, you already know the drill. I don't mind people being told to "look outside the box" for their next relationship, but don't ask me to completely change who I am to do it.
2. The perception of thirst has you shook. This is a new one, since when do thirsty people care if folks know they are parched? What's that saying? A closed mouth doesn't get fed? The squeaky wheel gets the grease? He who doesn't ask, doesn't get? Someone help me with this - are people really more worried about appearing thirsty than the thirst itself? I mean unless you are literally in the streets throwing house keys and drawers at folk, do what you gotta do (maintaining some dignity) and get yours.
3. The actuality of thirst makes you look desperate: I love when there's a complete inability to embrace nuance. There's saturated, satisfied, wishful thinking, then wistful longing, active thirst and fianlly Serengeti parchedassness. Please understand the varying degrees of thirst:
No one will mock you for a little wistful longing but parchedassness breeds desperation. And desperation isn't pretty. Do with this chart what you will. Reach one, teach one people.
4. You need to try harder. Smile more/pretty yourself up/speak first/etc: That whole thought process is an insult to smiling, pretty, speaking-first people everywhere. Not everything works for everybody. You can be the prettiest, smilingish, saying-hello-ist person in the room and still get no love. It depends on the audience, the atmosphere, and all those thousands of intangibles. Be you. Trust me. It's good enough.
5. Stop trying and it will happen: This one makes me pull my hair out just as much. The sooner people stop being all mystical and magical about relationship advice the better. The only way to be in a relationship is to meet people and hope one of those people likes you as much as you like them. That is all. Wishing on a star and sprinkling yourself with unicorn dust works for Disney characters. The rest of us just have to keep going.
I really get irritated when people act like singlehood is a fate worth than death. I need people to enjoy every stage of their life. There's nothing wrong with being single. There's nothing wrong with admitting you're lonely. There is something wrong with being so wound up in not being single, not being alone that you lose sight of everything else. I write relationship fiction, not relationship advice. In the best stories, people wise up and take a second to figure out who they are and what they want... and that's when the magic happens.
BougieLand, what irks you the most about street corner sociologists? Thoughts, comments, insights?