You know we're equal opportunity around here. So it's only fair that we shine a spotlight on some of sisterhood. Without further ado, a few for the S.No.B. files no ma'am edition.
It's soooo not bougie:
1. For things to be wigglin', jigglin' and fallin' up out your clothes. I'm not talking about cleavage. I'm talking about rolls, muffin-tops, camel-toes, batwings, all of that. Even skinny women look unattractive with half a foot hanging over the edge of your shoe. What am I saying? Buy clothes that fit and flatter. Get a good bra. Tuck it in, strap it down, Spanx it up and get those toes done. Please and thank you.
2. For everything about you to be fake. Hair, eye color, nails, lashes, lips, boobs, waist-to-hip ratio, clothing labels, purse brand, perfume type, shoe material. Pick one... not all. If your purse says Kucci instead of Gucci, your suit is Channel instead of Chanel -just leave it at that. Don't be inauthentic from your rooter to your tooter.
3. To layer fragrance on top of funk. Now as much as we rag on the fellas for the funk, ladies-you know we have some special female issues we need to deal with. Yes, we have mornings where we just "hit the high spots," spritz on some fragrance and roll out. Some days, that won't do. And for some of you that have embraced that entire "layered fragrance" experience where you put the spritz, powder, shower gel, lotion and oil on every part of your body? It's too much. We shouldn't smell you three floors up when you get on the elevator. And by the way, putting expensive perfume on top of funk is just flowery funk.
4. To be 24/7 fabulous... when we know you're not. Ladies. We all struggle from time to time. It's fine. So please stop tweeting, blogging, facebooking about how you are the baddest boss five star dime chick this side of the Mason Dixon line when your life is a flaming pile of excrement. You're 2 days from eviction, haven't had a date since Adidas were hot and are only online by pirating your neighbors wi-fi. But you're talking about your glam-luxe-fab-mag life? I understanding projecting positivity. There's positivity and then there's fiction. Keep it real, sisters.
5. To whine about your trifling boyfriend/s.o. when you knew he was trifling from jump. Can I get an Amen on this one? I'll commiserate the first few times you tell me how your man (insert ratchet behavior here). But er, uh - after isse number 99 which sounds remarkably like issue number 1, 2 &3 - I'm done. Do you and him if it makes you happy but keep it to yourself. We're begging.
Ooo. I might have gotten a little rant-y today, I'm always strict with the ladies. I just want us to step up our bouge. BougieLand, thoughts, comments, anything to add to the list?