Black Card - A card given to all African American people just for being black. The card must be renewed annually by pledging loyalty to any number of pre-approved black causes or by scaring an undisclosed amount of white people, preferable in upperclass areas or in states like Connecticut. We have not ascertained it's usefulness and/or worth.
Case One: I quote from my email, "Chele, you can't be clowning Herman Cain. He's one of us and we should support him. I get that you're bougie but don't get your black card pulled."
You know what? If my Black Card is in anyway tied to the lyrical stylings of Herman "Did I Do That" Cain, you can have it back. Call the Negreaux Validation Committee and tell them to get on the case because I cannot with Hermie. And I certainly don't give two shakes of a damn about Citizen Cain over President Obeezy. Yeah no. Obama was never (ever ever) in danger of losing my vote to the Pizza King.
Case Two: From my tweets, "Why aren't you backing Reed Between the Lines? We finally have bougie black folks on TV and you won't support it? C'mon!" Second tweet, "You have to watch some BET just to keep your blackness up."
It's great that there is a bougenificent fam on TV. And I swearforeGod I tried like hell to like the show. But I don't. It's missing something. A live audience, a spark of sumthin' sumthin', I don't know but it's not there. I love Tracee Ellis Ross and Malcolm Jamal Huxtable (yes I know his real name) but their cuteness isn't carrying the show. Her wardrobe and his tight shirts are pleasant to look at but not so entertaining for a half hour.
If it were my show, I would have revamped the premise. I would have made her a single mom just divorced with the twins who meets Malcolm and has to decide if he's worth making an emotional investment. The growth of how they ascended to bougenificence would be far more entertaining but maybe that's just me.
If the regular watching of BET impacts my blackness, allow me to go all exotic and declare myself Guyanese-Southern. Just make up my own dang race.
Case Three: From my Facebook mail, "You should get a reality show. You'd be so much better than NeNe."
Me, "Which one is NeNe? You know I don't keep up with all that."
"Girl, are you sure you're black? Every black girl knows NeNe. You gotta at least watch Housewives!"
Ur, uh - what rule book is that in? Did the NAACP set up an #OccupyRealityTV movement did Rev. Al march for countrywide recognition of NeNe? What are the chances that I sell fewer books or hire less people because I don't watch any of the HouseWifery shows? I'd say nil. NTTAWWT (Not That There's Anything Wrong With That).
All of this commentary on my endangered black status has lead me to the conclusion that mayhaps the Black Cards come in different levels of Blackness? For sure there's an Honorary Black Card, and then maybe there's Silver, Gold, Platinum and Diamond level Blackness. Or is it more of a coffee scale? Latte, Caramel Macchiato, Mocha, Expresso? Le Bougie Shrug.
BougieLand, besides affirmation action and Michelle Obama's hair are there set issues that black people are expected to care about simply because we're black? Are we the only race that does this? Do share and explain.