Shiggity Pegreaux Black Men Say...


Pegreaux = Pretentious + (sometimes) Nouveau + Negroes. <~~ Get into it. Ah yes, 'tis the age of the Pegreaux. That species of hustle-disguised-as-know-it-all-ness gentleman heating up airwaves, TV sets and these here innanets. They are everywhere. They are smarter than the rest of us (to hear them tell it) and  they have opinions. As do I.

Many of you have seen the various, multiple spins on Sh*t (insert any type of people) say. White Girls, Bougie Black Girls :-/, Purple Squirrels... good times. Everyone else has had so much fun compiling their lists, I thought I'd jump on the bandwagon too. Of course when I write a list about Pegreaux... I actually know enough of them well enough to be accurate in my tongue-in-cheekiness. I get that it's hot in the streets to make up a list about the two chicks who deigned to speak to you at last week's Happy Hour because they thought your name tag was cute. I just thought I'd do my list a little differently.

So what's tripping lightly off of Les Pegreaux lips this days? Allow me to share..

1. "Buy my book, it will change your life!" (Or buy my t-shirt or my signature vodka or watch my show and come to my event. If you're particularly lazy - just click "LIKE"!). You have to know by now that words of epic wisdom and absolute pearls of intellectual superiority are to be found inside a Pegreaux-penned publication. Nothing is going to raise this race up or bring hordes of angry single black woman to their ultimate salvation like following the gospel of Pegreauxism. Let's raise a Hibiscus Martini at the next happy hour to this, shall we?

2. "But seriously, have you bought my book yet?" For Social Media's sake, you see me in all my Pegritude hustling and tweeting and blogging and you still haven't bought my book? That's no way to catch a man, ladies. That's no way to be on your Jay-Z-Z baller status, gents. And isn't that what this life is all about anyway?

3. I'm not doing this for me, it's all about you. A Pegreaux's battlecry is that he is not a pretentious  prick just on G.P. - he is out there grindin' for the betterment of all black people everywhere (especially those that have purchased their books).

4. "You need to get to my level." I love it when a man tells you to get like him only to later discover his life is a freaking shambles behind closed doors.  No sir, I'm good right up and through here.

5. "Everyone is hatin' on me." For the last time, it's only "hate" if it's not justified scorn, earned disdain and hearty ridicule. The perception that you are so on point that others are threatened by your clarity of thought is both laughable and slapworthy. Anytime someone starts hollerin' about how much exponential hate is directed their way, I wonder if there's an app for deluded self-importance? 

Last but not least:
6. "...And that's why all you women are single." If the alternative is a lifetime of what you're dishing out? We're happy to stay hungry. Kthxbi.

I'll let Stevie take us out of here today. Sing it with me now: "We are amazed but not amused by all the things you say that you do..."

Please note how the entire audience is gettin' a jam on. This is from 1974 and the lyrics still go hard in the paint. Bougie out... Thoughts, comments, insights?