I don't seek validation in 140 characters or less... nor should you


Watching TV and following major events while tweeting is a favorite pastime of mine. It's both enjoyable and irksome at the same time. I don't have as much time to indulge as I used to so when I'm on, I tend to get dive in and (for the most part) enjoy. In the past ten days, a few things that I watched while tweeting were the Grammys, a CNBC documentary on online dating, a PBS documentary Slavery by Another Name, and Whitney Houston's memorial service.

It must be said - one of the most infuriating things about social media is that people feel the need to critique your thoughts and emotions. No it's more than critique, there are people who exist to either dissect and oppose the things you express or vehemently try to get you to agree with them.

First of all, far too many of you are far too invested in these celebrity's lives. Does someone think Nicki Minaj is personally offended that I felt generationally challenged and musically confused by her Grammy performance?  Was it necessary for people to insist that there was no difference between Rihanna's tousled blond look (which I wasn't feeling) and Tina Turner's back in the day (which I loved)? Am I wrong for saying I gave not two shakes of a damn what went down with Bobby Brown at Whitney's memorial? It was Whitney's day, I can worry and wonder (or not) about Bobby after the woman has been laid to rest. Out of respect for the solemnity of the moment, I did not shade Tyler Perry or R-uh Kelly for their appearances at Whitney's memorial. Doncha know folks took time to call me a hypocrite. "But you HATE Tyler Perry." No. I don't. But whatever I feel for him and his body of work had no place at a ceremony where he was honoring a friend of his and an icon of mine.

Second of all, way too many people speak authoritatively and completely incorrectly at the same damn time. If I'm watching a documentary that says over 36 million people are on online dating services, how are you going to come at me with - "there a lot of desperate people out there." Stop. Yes there is some thirst but are you really making the leap that 36 million single people are desperate? I mean, c'mon, really? Then (and you'll love this one) while I was watching with horror and heavy heart at the treatment of African Americans in the early 1900's, I commented that unfortunately many of these closed-minded and narrow assumptions about people of color are still alive and well today. To which I was told to "get over it, stop playing the race card." Oh.

Third of all, stop telling people how to grieve. Seriously. This must stop immediately. Whatever way people have of dealing with grief - as long as it's not turning your world inside out - leave them be. Did it matter that some people who hadn't listened to a Whitney song since '92 were in mourning? Was their grief lessened because they had not steadfastly supported her over the last two decades? GTFOH with that. Every time a tragedy takes place, people go on the attack. As if you have to justify what you feel and why.

Lastly, stop assuming you know everything there is to know about somebody from following them on twitter, reading their blogs, whatever. My favorite (<~~sarcasm) tweet from Saturday was the following, "Chele, I didn't realize you were this religious. You never tweet or post about Jesus." Should I emblazon a flaming cross into the header of BnB? Should I hashtag all my tweets with #inJesusName? Can't I be a person of faith without tattooing the commandments on one ass cheek and the beattitudes on the other? Okay, that was a little snarky but Jesus knows how I meant that... :-/ 

Since when are our opinions not our own? Since when do our emotions need the validation of a mob to be legitimate? You feel what you feel. Others can disagree, so be it. Repeat after me: It is what it is. And sometimes that has absolutely nothing to do with me. 

Let folks live, won't you? Our time here is short. How about people get in touch with and own up to their own emotions and behavior before calling out other folks? Hmm? What would that world look like? Le Sigh.

BougieLand... thoughts, comments, insights?