When guys ask girls why they are "so mean" when all a fella is trying to do is say hello, I ask gents to look to your other less sophisticated brethren and point the finger of ratchetery exactly where it belongs. Some of you fellas could stand to share some of your cocoasmoothe with the raggedy amongst you.
I had reached my early 30s thinking that the dude who tried to pick me up outside a women's gas station restroom (like saw me go in and waited for me to come out to holla) was the tackiest pick up ever. Little did I know what the future would hold. So I present to you, without further ado my top three worst places where guys have tried to holla:
#3 The OB/GYN waiting room: Yes, I was in Dr. ViJayJay's waiting room when a dude who came in with SOMEONE else waited until she stepped to the back to slide down two seats. "Hey, am I encroaching on another man's territory if I ask how you doing today?" Everyone in the waiting turned to look at him like - fo' real doe, playa? Thankfully, they called me back and I never had to formulate an answer.
#2 The hospital hallway outside of radiology: Picture it. Me, less than 24 hours after surgery. Just finished a photo spread of my internal organs. Posted up in the wheelchair waiting for a tech to wheel me back to my room. My hair was doing it's best Bam-Bam impersonation. My lips were crusty from God knows what. And yes, I was rocking Hospital Gown chic, an oversize tent hanging off one shoulder while two blankets gave me a swaddled look. Anti-nausea patch behind one ear and morphine drip in my arm. So sexy. "Hey Ma, you waiting on somebody?" I blink blearily, "Huh?" "Just saying if you wanna break outta here and go do something, I'm your man." I blink again, "Huh?" He laughs, "Come see me in a day or two. I'm Willie. Everybody know me round here. I'm good people. Holla!" Off he went and I thought I dreamed it until I got a card from the hospital staff the other day. Willie signed with "get at me" under his name. And I repeat, "Huh?"
And the NUMBER ONE worst place I've ever been hit on... The luncheon reception at the church after my father's funeral. I stepped out into the hallway just to get a minute where I didn't have to smile and act like I was pleased to be dining with 400 folks when my father was fresh in the ground. Not thirty seconds later, dude my father's age came sidewinding up looking all somber. "Did you know Doc?" He asked. "Yes." I replied. "He was the best." He said shaking his head. "The best." I repeated. "You know, in times like this maybe you need something to take your mind off it all. Just cut loose." I side-eyed the hell out of him, "You think so?" "Oh yeah, I know this little spot up the street where we could get a glass of wine, talk about the good times." My Aunt Vi stepped into the hallway, "Mich, we're going to go." The guy took a step back. "Oh, you the baby girl. Little Mich." I smiled, "Um-hmm." "Oh. A-ight den." Dude took off so fast in the other direction I had to wonder what my father had said about me. I had completely forgotten about that until making this list. Classic. Holla-Man Cat Daddy at the Funeral - sounds like a play, doesn't it?
Bougieland, whatcha got? What's the worst pick-up place you've ever seen?