Change: You can't force it, fight it, or fervently wish it into existence


My final thoughts on Lessons Learned from Iyanla's Fix My Life (whew!) - change doesn't happen in a vacuum. It takes a commitment to action and follow-up on that action. Again, not to judge Evelyn but I couldn't help but wonder how ready for change she really is and whether or not she'll take the lessons that Iyanla was giving her and use them for transformative living down the road. I hope she does.  hope this wasn't all for the publicity and I hope we've all managed to get something thought-provoking out of what was some hot mess.

Here's what I know to be true:
1) You can't make somebody change. I don't care how fine, smart, manipulative, cocoa-stirring-wondrous, nightly-praying, beseechifying (yes, I'm making words up) you are. If a person (including yourself) is not willing to change, it's not going to happen. Note: A ring nor a baby nor a wedding will magically transform someone who dos not want transformation. If you are meeting people that you think you want to change, just walk away. 

2) Even if people want to change, they may not be ready. There really is a season for everything and it just may not be that's person season to be who you need or want them to be. Sometimes people just aren't ready to make a change or are too entrenched in the known to embrace the unknown. Some folks will eat the exact same thing every Thursday night for 20 years. I know I spent a good five years lamenting the fact that I wasn't a writer but hadn't sent a word to anyone for them to read. I was comfortable as a well-paid HR consultant and writing was just a dream. It wasn't until I took a chance and embraced the change that it started happening for me. Also, you can't expect people to change on your schedule. They're ready when they are ready and not a minute before. Drop a hint and nudge all you want. When it happens (if it happens), it happen.

3) Even if someone is ready and willing to change? They may not be able to. Let's break it on down - some simply cannot change. They don't really want to or they won't try to or they just don't know how. All of the cuddling, counseling or cajoling in the world can't get this person over the hump. This is where the saying about old dogs and new tricks comes from. The one about horses, water and drinking? All of that. 

So what does it all mean? It means all you can really do is change yourself if you so desire. Everything else is out of your hands. Quit stressing about it.

BougieLand, ever met someone who is just set in their ways? Ever tried to changed an s/o? How'd that work out for you? What, if anything, new did you take a moment to think about this week? Do share...