Girls who Let Go of the Fairy Tale when Prince Charming is not Enuf...


Cinderella, Love Jones and other perfectionist portrayals of "happily ever after" have us twisted up the game, yo. I mean, I write relationship fiction, I know how powerful that vision of two people walking off into the sunset vowing to stay by each other's side through thick and thin can be. They made it through the struggle and now everything is going to be alright... forever!

As we continue with the lessons from Iyanla's Fix My Life, it was fairly evident that one huge problem was that Evelyn wanted the fairy tale no matter the cost. She wanted the blingy husband, the dream wedding, the lush honeymoon, the happily ever after and the prestige of being able to say "this is mine, don't you wish you could get like me." Having to walk away from that had to smart more than a little bit.

I know this feeling all too well, I know how hard it is to let go of the fairy tale. *pulls out pop-up pulpit*

So much of what goes on in a relationship is in our heads. The line between thought, word and deed gets a little blurry from time to time. One of the things that is very hard to do is to keep your mind and heart from running away with you when you first meet somebody that's attractive to you on multiple levels. Lord knows, if I allowed myself to do so, I could visualize the next twenty five years with a dude I've only had two coffees with.

Imagination, pre-programming and wishful thinking are a bitch to overcome when you want some piece of the fairy tale. And by the fairy tale, I'm referring to the promise of a glittering future where every day is better because you've got the right person by your side.

How often have I sat beside a dude knowing on one hand that it wasn't working out, we were not going to make it but on the other hand saying well what's the harm in waiting a little while longer, let's just see how this plays out. Seriously, I've had a tougher time figuring out how to tell other people we've broken up than actually breaking up with the person. This is now known as Resistance to Letting Go of The Fairy Tale syndrome. RLGFT. I need to start a support group, you don't hear me though...

Most of the time, if the relationship is going well for a month or two? In my mind, I've already exchanged vows at noon on the beach in Maui, I've already bought the house, opened up all the purple crystal and combined the 401(k)s. I have to literally re-train my brain to slow it down, pump the breaks. Sad to say the hardest part of the majority of my break-ups has been getting past the "so dammit, I guess this really isn't going to happen" hurdle in my mind.

We were talking about it the other night on Twitter. It's not just admitting failure because failure happens, it's having to press pause, rewind and start over on the dream you thought you were close to achieving that wears you out. This is what's hard about getting back out there. Ugh. The thought of going through all the initial yada-yada and building another castle in your head with a new prince... exhausting.

How does it happen, Chele? How do otherwise brilliant women get caught up the fairy-tale-itis of it all? Hmm, well in the words of the prophets Boyz II Men from the Book of Uh-Ahh "Infatuation, Lust and a Lot of Love" to start with. Throw in Disney influence, gender programming, societal influence and some intangibles and there you go. It happens. Someone pass me the pixie dust to fix it all.

Not too many questions today except... can I get a witness? If any out there knows what I'm talking about raise your hand? Oh and fellas - do you do the fairy tale thing too or is that a "girl thing"? Please discuss...