Ignoring the Caution Sign, the Red Flag AND the Burning Bush


Bless our human hearts, when we want something - I mean really, really want something? We go for it. Full steam ahead and damn what anybody has to say about it. 

Continuing to pull lessons From Iyanla's Fix My Life season opener, one of the points she consistently hammered home is the destruction you bring into your life when you willfully ignore warning signs. In this particular example it was a fiance who told his intended that he didn't know how to be faithful, he wasn't sure he was good at being married and basically never grew up. When a person hears that and moves forward anyway? It's like sending a big F.U. to the universe. And then to act surprised when it backfires? No judging, just saying: Ooo. Wee.

This is an issue I've seen time and time again. Women (and Men) who see red flag after red flag but keep it pushing anyway. There's a reason for intuition and gut reaction. There's a reason you sometimes get that feeling that "something ain't right" and find yourself backing up. People have to learn to trust that. 

What must be done is a constant evaluation and re-evaluation of your relationship status. A few things - rarely are you going to overhaul someone from the inside out in a relationship. If you don't like what you see from jump, not so often does that turn around. This I say for the Give-A-Brother-A-Break sistas and the Captain-Save-A-Ho bruhs. Not to be harsh but your job in a relationship is not necessarily to save the other person and bring them out of whatever dire circumstances they are in. In those scenarios, the relationship starts out imbalanced with one person clearly in the other's debt. No bueno.

Another thing - if EV-ER-Y body you love and trust tells you something is wrong with old boy/old girl - something is wrong. That Us Against The World mentality is great for fiction, songs and movies - not so much for real life. Now if the haters hate your s/o - who cares. But Grandma, Cousin Ray, your mentor, two best friends from high school and your line brother are all saying run? Run.

And the last thing I want to share - our ever important quote from Maya Angelou: When people tell you who they are, believe them!! I would also add that if people CAN'T tell you who they are after a certain age? That's a problem as well.

There are small warning indicators, there are waving-assed red flags, there are blinking caution signs and then there's a burning bush outside your front door about to catch the house on fire. Don't act (when it all comes down) like you didn't see any/all of those. Either self-correct along the way or admit after the fact that you wanted to do your ostrich-head-the-sand impersonation for a minute. It's one thing to say the signs were subtle, it's another thing to say you didn't put two and two together and come up with four and it's a whole other thing to just turn a blind eye and wish those pesky flags would quit waving in the breeze.

Now in my case, I see red flags everywhere. Probably in some places where there are none. I'm uber gunshy that way. At the very first hint of some shiggity, I'm usually out the door. Let me be honest, I usually walk in the door with one good side-eye on the entire situ to begin with. But that's my issue.

Red flags are not hints or suggestions, they are indicators that something is wrong and must be fixed/adjusted/removed before proceeding. That's all I'm trying to say.

Let's get into it, BnB - why do people ignore the red flags? What's the best way to be supportive when we see friends barreling down the wrong relationship path? Can we resist the temptation to tell them "I TOLD you so" when the mess comes to fruition? Have you ignored warning indicators in your relationships? How'd that work out for you? Do share...