About two years ago, I posted about my friend Elise who caught her husband of 10+ years smooching some random chick in the middle of a Buckhead bistro. She also accepted his explanation that it was "just a kiss" and took him back. Her vows, she told me unequivocally, said for better or worse. If that was the worst she was okay with it.
Fast forward to last fall when (cue the shock and awe) hubby Ben confessed he had baby by Hot Lips Chick and would be leaving Elise post-haste to live out his "new dreams" (his exact words) with Hot Lips. A-ight, you still with me? Not a book plot, actual folks, the drama continues.
Fast forward to last January, divorce is final and Elise is rebounding with a former baseball player who (in her words) makes her "believe in fairy tales, rainbows and magic" again. He was wining her and dining her and whisking her off for marvelous weekends hither, thither and yon. My Red Flag Alert went straight to Threat Condition Ruh-roh.
Fast forward to last weekend when she calls me distraught that Prince Charming had a multitude of women riding the rainbow and she was actually pretty low in the batting rotation. (sorry for the sports analogy, couldn't resist) Out of all her rants (during which I held back all the I-told-you-he-wasn't-bout-shiggitys), the thing that stuck with me was her concern that maybe she had a "wrong-for-me Man Magnet" and if so, could she please get it removed immediately?
At this point, I imagine I can hear Dr. Jayme's teeth gnashing all the way from my house because she firmly says there is a delineation between the kind of person you attract and the kind of person you chose to be with. In a perfect world, these to things add up where the type of person you want is the type of person who is dying to be with you. Unfortunately, it doesn't always work out that way.
Believe me, I know this to be true. I am a Cap Daddy magnet. Pimpin'-Azz-Grandads in Steve Harvey suits see me coming a mile away. But I chose not to be with those fellas. I have to deliberately place myself in the path of the kind of guys I want to be with and
scheme and plot until hope one of them recognizes all the Micheleness.
What is it about me that attracts leisure-suit wearing retirees? No clue. But what I do know is that just because someone wants you, you are not required to want them back. At all. Not even a little bit.
As I told Elise, if you don't want to be a replaceable ornament - quit choosing these Christmas tree-assed negroes. Christmas Tree Negroes - look great, smell great, you love to be around them? A little bit high maintenance- only there for a season, look different dependent on setting but underneath they are all the same? To reach full potential, they have to be decorated, admired and pampered. Break one ornament, replace it with another but the tree remains a tree.
She said I was oversimplifying and plans to go to a professional matchmaker to help her find her true soulmate. Awesome. But then I thought... who's going to help you pick the matchmaker? Problem for another day.
BougieLand, do you attract the type of person that you are attracted to? And if not, what do you do? Please discuss...