I thought it was bad when my ex bounced a ring across the pressed white tablecloth in a fine dining establishment where it landed perilously close to my mini-creme brulee and announced, "Now you'll have to figure out what to do with me" as a proposal. I really did. But in scanning the "Ask a Bougie Chick" write-ins, I see much worse.
Here are this year's nominees for the worst proposals ever...
1) "My other girlfriend turned me down so I guess I'll ask you" - Yep. This is how one chick found out that a) her man was seeing someone else and b) he had bought a ring with the intention of asking for someone's hand in marriage. O__O But wait, before you catch your breath, let me announce that sister-girl wrote in to ask me, "Should I say yes anyway?" Let me text-type my response: SMDH, WDDDA and WTH? GTHOHWTBS. Then again, perhaps you two, Mr. UberRatchet and Ms. ParchedThirst, deserve each other. *flings purple confetti and pulls out betting books* I got fiddy says they either don't make it to the altar or the marriage is over in less than twelve months. What say you?
2) 2:00AM brings the pounding of a heavy hand on an apartment door. Girl stumbles towards it, looks out window and swings open door. Dude she hasn't seen in four years stands on patio. "Hey baby. The DNA test results came back from court today. You were right. I've already gassed up the car. Wake up the kid and let's roll to Vegas and do this." Her question to me? "Am I required to let this fool be a part of my child's life?" My response - depends on your feelings and what the judge said. Based on his level of idiocy, I'd go with the wage garnishment and call it a wrap. Was he proposing to get out of child support? Where's he been the last 4 years? I have so many questions.
3) Long-term couple (4 years together) sits on the dock overlooking a beach watching the ships roll in then they watch them roll away again (shout out to Otis Redding - Google it, people). She turns to look at him and announces, "If we're not married by this time next year, I'm out." He says, "Is that a proposal or an ultimatum?" She stares him down. He shrugs and says, "Fine, we'll get married this winter." His question to me, "Should I have caved under the pressure and proposed?" My response, "That was a proposal? After four years, either you're in or you're out. Shouldn't have even come to all that." Hmpfh.
BougieLand, your thoughts? Responses? Any to add? Do share...