"What had happened was..." and other signs of freaky-sneaky

Let's face it, bad things get said right after "What had happened was..." In fact, I would suggest that folks just retire the phrase. Nothing good ever comes of it. Anytime your S/O has the guilty face paired with a shaky "what had happened was..." you're already knowing - it ain't good. A lot of people have different viewpoints on cheating. Some will overlook one indiscretion but when your S/O starts TigerWoodsing it... no bueno. [Sidebar: Remember when TigerWoodsing referred to dominance on the golf links? Moving on.]

Let's look at some other phrases that may cast suspicion on fidelity ever after.

There's something I need to tell you - Usually followed by "and don't get upset". Rest assured that whatever comes next will get you upset. Unfortunately, this phrase prefaces a lot of bad news. But as far as the freaky-sneaky goes... would you rather your S/O told you they cheated or would you rather you find out from someone else? Really, is there any good way to find out?

Baby it was just that one time - Also "It won't happen again, I promise", "It was a momentary mistake" and "I'm sorry I did that to you." Uh-huh. It's up to you. Purportedly you know your beloved better than anyone else. Was it just that one time? One tequila shooter too many? You'll have to decide and move forward from there. Just make sure that a few months later, you're not listening to "It will be different this time, I swear."

She/he means nothing to me - Code for she/he means something to me but if I say that I know you're walking. This is almost worse than the admittance. I'd almost prefer it if you cheated on me for someone you cared about, that at least has some purpose behind it. But hittin' for hits' sake? I don't know. This might just be me, let me know your thoughts. Why do I keep hearing Usher's Confessions playing in my head?

She/He is just a friend - Hmm. This one is tricky. She/He may just be a friend. But then again... at some point your friends need to fallback and respect your relationship. And is he/she just a friend waiting for a chance to get out of the Friend Zone? Have they already made a move and are now just laying in the cut waiting? There are boundaries. Friends don't text/call you in the middle of the night, show up in random places unexpectedly, drop hints about how life was back when you were single... don't get me started. I've been in too many situations where my S/O's "friend" was a smashbuddy-in-waiting. And then the waiting was over. There are friends, then there are friends. Make sure the lines are drawn clearly.

So tell me BougieLand, what are some phrases that set off the warning bells for you? Have you used them? Is there any good way to find out some freaky-sneaky was going on? Thoughts, comments, insights?

Tomorrow: "I don't think you can handle me" & other red flags.