Recap - last year I dated a guy named Derrick. We nicknamed him New Dude. New Dude had a shady ex-wife (SEW) and a scandalous-azz best friend, Vince. The drama they rained down was too much for a bougie chick to bear and I bounced. Derrick became Dude Formerly Known as New (DFKN) and went back to his ex-wife. To no one (but Derrick's) surprise, SEW was caught bouncing around D's bed with Vince... on the sheets I picked out. But I'm over it. Sorta. Okay, those sheets were too nice for skankdom.
Anywho... I ran into Skanky SEW at the Whole Foods a few weeks ago. My bad. I made the mistake of introducing BougieMom to the non-dairy expensive goodness of almond milk and now she'll put nothing else atop her cereal medley. Yes, she has a medley. Don't get me started. The point is, I popped into the Whole Foods further away than my regular one and paid the price.
There in between dairy and deli was SistaShagsALot SEW, testing various cheddar samples. I tried to float on by but she wasn't going to let that happen. "Hey Marsha." I kept rolling. The stank ho heffa knows good and well what my name is. "Michele!" She yelled out. I turned and waved, "Hey." Kept rolling.
Now she's following me around the store. "You know Derrick and I are getting remarried?"
"Yes, there's no fool like a whipped fool. Congratulations." DFKN's mom and cousin both told me. They weren't happy but I wasn't that surprised. I rolled onto the next aisle. All I needed were some bottles of Vitamin Water, some French Vanilla Almond granola and I could bounce.
"Don't be bitter, it will make you look old before your time."
"Then perhaps you should rethink that cream-based eyeshadow you're wearing. See you around." And still she's following me.
"Whatever."
I tossed the last few things in the cart and headed for check out. I sent her a look, "Did you need something else?"
"It's tacky but I just have to say it... I win."
Calling on Jesus to keep me from doing anything that would require a call to BougieSis for bail money, I took a deep break and answered, "You think so?"
"I got the man, the house, the bling. And what do you have?"
I rolled my eyes, "You're living in a house I decorated, marrying a man I discarded for pure ratchetassness, and that bracelet you're rocking was picked out for me. You're living my reject life, sweetheart." [See how my inner evil b*tch just jumped out right there? Mea culpa]
She looked at the bracelet, "What do you mean?"
"What do you think the M stands for? And the little pen?"
She looked down and her face fell. She opened her mouth to say something else and I stopped her. "By the way, Derrick doesn't like cheddar. He likes Monterey Jack."
"Why didn't he ever tell me?"
Because he has Recurring Male Disappearing Balls Syndrome (RMDBS)? Sometimes he can locate them, sometimes he can't. But I said, "If you haven't figured that out yet, y'all are in worse shape than I thought."
She had the good nerve to get a little tear in her eye as I walked away. Whatev. Boo to the hoo.
Moral to the story - Don't bait a bougie chick with some bullshiggity, it's just going to bounce back on you.
History Lesson of the Day - The phrase "Pyrrhic Victory" is named after King Pyrrhus of Epirus, whose army suffered irreplaceable casualties in defeating the Romans at Heraclea in 280 BC and Asculum in 279 BC during the Pyrrhic War. In both of these victories, the Romans suffered greater casualties than Pyrrhus did. However, the Romans had a much larger supply of men from which to draw soldiers, so their casualties did less damage to their war effort than Pyrrhus' casualties did to his. [The Romans eventually came back on him and whipped his azz]
To have a Pyrrhic Victory is to win the battle but lose the war. Like winning one lap of the race and someone else gets the gold medal. Like Clay Aiken and Ruben Studdard. Sure Ruben won American Idol but um... Clay won. I say let's now submit SEW to Wikipedia and add her to this definition. [Y'all know you are dying to run out telling folks, "That's a Pyrrhic Victory, yo! I'm about to come back on you like the Romans came back on Pyrrhus!" No? Just me? Le Shrug. Here on BnB, we entertain and we learn.]
For the record, this whole #winning concept is shady. What's the prize? What did you lose on the way to the win? Nobody wins all the darn time, c'mon now. What good is one week of winning if you're whole year sucks eggs? Sometimes when you think you're winning, you're really losing - wouldn't you agree? Who has some thoughts on this BougieTale of When B*tches Attack? The floor is yours...