A girlfriend of mine is getting married for the first time at the age of 46. So she dated for 30 years prior to finding Mr. Seriously Right. In that time, she has lived alone. Paid her own bills. Set her own rules. Purchased her own cars and homes. Made all the decisions for her life unilaterally. One of the struggles in their relationship has been her "reprogramming" herself to be inclusive, respectful and receptive to him.
When you are used to answering to no one but yourself, it takes a minute (for both men and women) to remember to call when you're going to be late, purchase an extra six-pack of bottled water, ask someone's opinion on your vacation time, talk over how to handle the holidays and learning to share the remote (and the bed and the bathroom!).
But this week while planning the wedding ceremony, they came across one of those "interesting" moments. The pastor asked if they wanted "traditional" vows. They both said yes and then paused. "Wait, what do you mean?" These are the vows he presented to them:
MaleI, _____, take you, ______, to be my wedded wife. With deepest joy I receive you into my life that together we may be one. As is Christ to His body, the church, so I will be to you a loving and faithful husband. Always will I perform my headship over you even as Christ does over me, knowing that His Lordship is one of the holiest desires for my life. I promise you my deepest love, my fullest devotion, my tenderest care. I promise I will live first unto God rather than others or even you. I promise that I will lead our lives into a life of faith and hope in Christ Jesus. Ever honoring God's guidance by His spirit through the Word, And so throughout life, no matter what may lie ahead of us, I pledge to you my life as a loving and faithful husband.
FemaleI, _____, take you, ______, to be my wedded husband. With deepest joy I come into my new life with you. As you have pledged to me your life and love, so I too happily give you my life, and in confidence submit myself to your headship as to the Lord. As is the church in her relationship to Christ, so I will be to you. _____, I will live first unto our God and then unto you, loving you, obeying you, caring for you and ever seeking to please you. God has prepared me for you and so I will ever strengthen, help, comfort, and encourage you. Therefore, throughout life, no matter what may be ahead of us, I pledge to you my life as an obedient and faithful wife.
They both kind of winced [that "headship" is hard to take in] and decided to write their own vows. But he really wanted her to keep in all the "obedience" parts. She chafed and wanted him to add in a section about "ever seeking to please" her. They decided to peel back why they felt so strongly about these things. It's going to take a little bit of discussion.
So I ask you, Bougieland... Ladies, will you (did you) put "obey" in your wedding vows? Gents, do you need to hear it? What do you think of these traditional vows? Would you (did you) write your own instead? Do tell... the floor is yours.