Five things you (probably) don't know about me...

It's been a while since we did a 5 on 5. I share five things about me and then you share those five things about you. Ready, set, go...

1) Is your favorite color also the one most prevalent throughout your house? If not, what color is? And what color do you wear when you want to make a statement?
2) If you had to choose to live through an earthquake, a tornado or a typhoon - which one would you choose and why?
3) What is one show you've watched every episode of that would surprise people to know?
4) Last song you sang out loud in your car or shower?
5) Who would you cast to play you in bio-pic?
Bonus question - favorite winter comfort food?

My answers:

1) Purple is my favorite color but I have more green around my house. When I want to feel kick-ass, I wear red.

2) Tornado - I grew up with them so I know how they work (sorta).

3) Charmed. Yep. Every. Freaking. Episode. Judge me. Those TNT reruns used to call out to me.

4) Drink You Away by Justin Timberlake. Again... judge me.

5) Hmmm. Younger me or older me? I used to say Queen Latifah but I think now Nia Long. Cuz Nia plays tortured-love-life-with-heart-of-gold-sister-just-out-here-tryna-live like no one else. You feel me.

Bonus - Baked chicken, mashed potatoes, greens and cornbread. Anytime I just want everything to feel "normal" that's my go to meal.

Now you. Ladies, gents. Your answers please...

Five things that will eff with your gut instincts...

It's interesting, I've had a lot of discussion lately about gut instincts and going with it. 85.6% of the time (yes, that's my scientific number) I believe in going with my gut. It rarely steers me wrong. I have an inherent feeling when something is right and when something feels "off"... right until I don't. I've been known to miss a sign or two. I've been known to ignore a sign or two. I've allowed others to talk me out of my first thought. I've also been known to overthink. I also know people whose instincts are always off. And there are conditions that made instincts a little shaky. Here are five things that mess with your gut:

• Self-Doubt. Your instincts are only as good as your self-confidence. If you second guess the hell out of your self, your gut doesn't know which way is up. You have to know who you are, what you believe it and what you are willing to do before you step out on faith. If your in the wilderness, your instincts are as well. 
• Sex. Stellar cocoa can pickle the brain, muddle the mind, stop your heart, stealth your breath and twist your gut into pretzel shapes. Admit it or not, crazy good bed game can blind you to all else but getting more of that good-good. People have overlooked flaming red flags punctuated by firecrackers because they were too busy getting busy. Pheromones and endorphins, ya'll. Not. To. Be. Played. With.
• Love. See #2 about stellar cocoa and multiply it to the nth degree. Once the heart is engaged, all bets are off.
• Naivete. I consider myself relatively worldly but I still get stunned by things and have to shake my head at myself. There's always someone who'll do something to catch you off guard. If you haven't seen it before, you don't recognize it. Your gut can't do anything with that. Accept it, fix it, move on.
• Thirst. It's real. When you are parched as hell, you'll overlook a lot of ish to get to that oasis. Even if it's just a mirage. Your gut may be screaming "Don't Do IT!" but the thirst hath taken over. Who hasn't just wanted a little sip of sumthin' sumthin'?

Bonus sixth thing-

History. You don't need to have been shot before to be gun-shy. You could have heard gunfire or been next to someone waving a gun or looked in someone's eyes and realized that if they had a gun you'd be deader than Paula Deen's career right now. All of this winding analogy to say - history has a tendency to repeat itself and those of us to whom history has not been kind? Tend not to want to repeat the same experiences. Sometimes our gut gets to churning when something starts feeling familiar in that "oh no, not this shiggity again" way. Sometimes the warning is legit, sometimes we're just damn skittish and getting in our own way. 

Long story short - trust your gut but level set it. Engage your brain and ask others around you *whose opinions you trust) if you are right or wrong. I was in a discussion last week about online dating and whether one should fact-check their dates. I say yes indeedy. At the very least peep their social media and Google them just to see what comes up. On a whim I Googled a guy I work with. Why? There's just something a little "hinky" about dude. First thing that came up was his mugshot for an assault and battery charge. #Awkward. I didn't say anything and since I work virtually I'll never see him but that was just a 20 second Google where I put in his name, city and state. Imagine if I got to digging around. Folks are wildin' - if your gut says something is off - it probably is. 

Are you the type of person that "goes with your gut" and has it ever steered you wrong? Do share...

Relationship Realities Week on BnB and 5 on 5

It's about that time, good people. For those of you new to BnB, we used to do a "special" week abut four times a year called Relationship Week... and then whole blog turned into relationship life. And now I basically blog about whatever pops into my mind. But Valentine's Day is this week so let's just take it there. We'll start with some getting to know you questions today. We'll have some interactive stuff later in the week. And back from a long dormant hiatus, The BnB Radio Network will re-launch on Wednesday at 8:00pm central/ 9:00pm eastern. +Carolyn Edgar and I will be joining forces with +Slim Jackson and +Darryl Frierson to discuss where the heck all these s-called relationship "experts" came from and what to do now that they're here.

Today let's do a Five on Five. Five questions, five answers and then it's your turn to answer. I was sent a list of 50 questions (excessive) about relationships and asked to answer and return. That seemed like a lot of sharing. But here are five that I found interesting:

1) Is the last person you texted someone you're in a relationship with?
My younger brother and I have a life-long relationship, so I'll say yes. 

2) Do you remember the first person you kissed, how old were you and do you know where they are now?
Yes I do. I was 14. And no I don't know where he is. No clue. 

3) Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?
Hmmm. Depends on what they did to blow the first one. 

4) Who was the last person you danced with and are you in love with them?
I'm not naming names. In love with them? The votes are still out on that one. 

5) Could you be in a relationship with someone who doesn't make you laugh?
Absolutely not. Humorless conversation is so not the hotness.

It's your turn, answer one, answer all or merely discuss...

Five things women say to men (and vice versa) that drives them crazy

So after yesterday's post about conversational miscues- there was a lot of commenting about things the opposite sex says that drive the other crazy. I've listed the top five of each. Enjoy...

Five things women say that men can't stand:

1. "Nothing" - As in the answer to, "What's wrong?"
2. "It's fine" - When it's clearly not fine.
3. "Whatever" - It's a cop-out. You know it, we know it. So be it.
4. "We need to talk" - Strikes fear in the hearts of men globally.
5. Nothing at all - As in, we say nothing. That's when they know something is really, really wrong.

Five things men say that women can't stand:

1. "Let me call you back" - Thanks. Now we know we'll be hearing from you on 33rd of Neveruary.
2. "Babe, we cool." - So you're just using me for cocoa and I'll never meet your mother.
3. "She's just a friend." - Really tho?
4. "Did you say something?" - Weren't you listening?
5. Nothing at all accompanied by a shrug. -  As in, the sanswer to "Can you go by the store? Did you take out the trash? Did you hear the last five things I said? Do you love me?" The male shrug is epic in its ability to enrage  while saying nothing at all.

BougieLand - any to add to the list?

5 things men and women can agree on (or can we?)

Dr. Jayme hosts a singles event for men and women from age 20 - 60 called Five Things You Need To Know About The Opposite Sex. Attending one of these reinforces the fact that the more things change, the more they stay the same. A 25-year old man does not think all that differently from a 55-year old man though the way they say it and carry it out are vastly different. A 40-year old woman and a 20-year old woman may want similar things but for different reasons. It was fascinating.

One segment of the seminar breaks out the attendees into four small groups and challenges them to come up with five universal relationship rules that both men and women can agree on. Then they come back to the larger group and get debated. Here (after much bickering and heated word exchanging) are the five basic Relationship Rules of Engagement:

1. No hitting, ever. Not for any reason. 

2. The person who asks should either pay or include some verbiage like "Dutch" "split check" "50/50" prior to the start of the date. 

3. Both parties should feel free to initiate sex. Both parties have the right to decline sex.

4. No Cheating Allowed. However, it is not cheating if a) both parties haven't agreed that they are in a relationship or b) no one has invoked an exclusivity clause or c) you're on a break with defined consent to "explore your options" while apart 

5. Dating someone who is related to (or good friends with) a serious ex-s/o requires disclosure and in some cases, permission. For example, if you want to you date your ex-wife's best friend - some needs to chat with ex-wife before it gets too deep. 

Bonus Rule: 6. Never end a relationship via text or note. 

What say you, BougieLand? Do you agree or disagree? With which rules? Do you have any to add? Do share...