General Bouge

Cocoa vs. Chocolate - When a casual conversation goes terribly wrong


For clarification purposes, let me start out by explaining that I started referring to naked aerobics between folks as "swirling the cocoa" or "sharing the cocoa" or "stirring the cocoa" (basically all verbiage involving making and partaking of cocoa) a few years back. I can't remember why. I had a good reason at the time and then it kind of became a thing: Cuddle cocoa, pity cocoa, hot and bubbly cocoa vs. yesterday's cold and curdled cocoa, measuring a man's stirring implement, sipping vs. over-indulging... you catch my drift.

Now that we've cleared that up, let me share a crazy conversation that I participated in the other day. It was an innocent enough get together of 6 girls and 4 guys. We ate and then three of the guys wandered off. Someone came by and offered me dessert - a chocolate mousse pie thing that I turned down with a sigh. I announced to the girl on my left, "I miss chocolate."

She nodded and said, "I miss sex."

The room went completely still. Even the crickets were like, "Wait... what?!"

Another girl sitting across from me kind of double-blinked and asked me, "Why did you give up chocolate? Are you allergic?"

"My waistline is allergic." I announced and everyone laughed. Awkwardness in room diffused.

Girl to left pipes up again, "You can live without chocolate though,  there is no substitute for sex." The three guys that had wandered off reappeared and took seats. Two leaned forward. One rubbed his hands together. Oh dear. We were really about to have this discussion?

Let's get the people in the room straight. There's me, guy I was with (Guy1), girl to my left (GTL), Trey, his girl T, Bryan, his wife Jazz, Some other dude (Dude), the girl seated across from me (Girl4) and then some other girl who shows up from time to time (RandomChick).

Before the guys could start, Jazz asked: "Why have you given up sex?"

GTL explains (in a lot of detail) that she's given up on men. Girl4 stops her in mid-whine and says, "Friend, that what toys are for."

Dude declares, "Toys are no substitute for the real thing."

Three of the women exchange looks and go silent.

Dude asks, "Seriously, the toys make up for not having the real thing? That's just not possible." He looked around like his feelings were about to be so hurt. I wondered which of the chicks in the room he was dating or had dated. 

"Sometimes the toys are better than the real thing!" RandomChick says. Hope it wasn't her.

Again, ladies - there are things we may think to ourselves and there are things we say in mixed company... learn the difference. Much chatter commenced about toys vs. human touch.

Trey asks, "Okay, if you had to chose between never having human interactive sex again or never buying new shoes, which would you do?"

I winced. I mean, shoes are important. I immediately started thinking of an out. "I get to keep all my current shoes?"

Bryan laughs, "You're going to wear something out, the shoes or the man. Which will it be?"

His wife answers, "Some of my shoes have been with me longer than you. I'm low-key tempted to go with shoes." She laughs, "Naw - I'll take you." No one 100% believes her but we let it ride. #DontStartNoneWontBeNone

Dude says, "That's like asking a man to give up sex or SportsCenter. I can catch the scores later."

Guy1 asks, "Bruh, you are comparing a man watching SportsCenter to a woman eating chocolate? That's not even apples or oranges. More like watching Durant vs Bron in a game seven for the championship."

"Like never disturbing your man during the Superbowl." RandomChick says.

"Or your woman. Is there a law against having sex while watching the SuperBowl?" I joked.

Guy1 is now side-eyeing me up and down. "Let's say you had to chose between sex and chocolate for the rest of your active sex years. Which do you pick?"

"Sex, for sure!" I say immediately. (I'm no fool) "But let me qualify that, it has to be good sex. I'm not giving up my chocolate high for lackluster cocoa."

"Right like when you really want chocolate, you want Godiva truffles, not a damned Hershey Kiss." Trey's girl T said. I like her.

Girl4 was like, "There's really no substitute for chocolate though. It releases serotonin and makes you feel so good."

Trey, "Like orgasmic?"

"Yeah."

"Then why not just have the orgasm?" Guy1 asks.

Thirty minutes into endorphins, serotonin levels, calories burned vs calories consumed and I nipped it in the bud. "It's a moot point because you can have both. On a great day, you can have both at the same time. Okay?"

High-fiving commenced but the question remains. If you had to chose between sex and chocolate, which would you pick? And is this not the silliest that turned serious discussion ever had?



Question of the day - What's your intro?

I've been noticing as I've been out and about that people have a way of making (or not making) an entrance. Into rooms, conversations, restaurants, what have you.

I'm the sort of person who just walks in, looks around and then goes on about the business of whatever I walked in for. Other walk in, wait for people to notice them and then continue to clamor for attention. Some slide into a room hoping against hope that no one notices them at all. And other walk in wishing they were anywhere but there and clearly wondering how long until they can be gone again.

So I saw this question making the rounds on Facebook:



And I thought I'd ask it here. What's your intro music? And one step further, what do you think it says about you?

As for me, I'd need to rotate the playlist. Some days, I need Jill Scott's Golden. Other days, I need something from the Stevie Wonder playbook. And some days my mood is pure 90s-00s gangsta rap. what does that say about me? I'm a multi-faceted, complex woman but you learn to love me anyway.

BougieLand - got some intro music for yourself/ What would it be? What do you think it says about you?

Icepocalypse Now... Survival Tips


The weather outside is frightful across most of the country. I'm saddened to say that Dallas is thawing out at a balmy 34 degrees after spending the last three days buried under ice with temperatures in the teens. Le Boo. 

At any rate, it has occurred to me that many people simply do not know how to act in Wintertime on a number of fronts. I'm here for you... or rather the wonder of the BnB Archives is here for you.

Let's start with Bougie Basics for Wintertime then discuss whether Cuddling For Cocoa at Christmas is a good or not. For those of you traveling this season, let's talk what NOT to wear. Got a holiday party, here's a refresher on What Not To Do at the Company HolidayPalooza. Okay, are we all caught up? Great! Make yourself some Crockpot Chicken Chili while I share a few more tips:

Living/Driving Basics for IcePocalypse survival:

  • Driving in snow and ice - if you don't know how, please spare the rest of us and stay at home. Seriously. If you are determined to try, allow me to share the following - you do not brake while sliding on ice. Ever. You take your foot off the gas and turn gently (GENTLY!!) into the direction of the skid allowing your car to coast. 
  • Scrape off not just the windows but the whole car. Why? Because we (the rest of the drivers) don't need the solid two inch sheet of ice from your trunk to fly off and decapitate us on the highway. That would suck. K? Please and thanks.
  • You should always keep bottled water handy. Always. If there's a storm, if it's hot, if the zombies rise up, whatever - bottled water should be a survival staple for all.
  • What's your exit strategy? If you get iced in/snowed in and the electricity fails? Whatcha gonna do? Where's the closest walkable fire/police station/school/church/cousin's house where you can lay your head and plug in your tablet (priorities).These are things you should know prior to a ice-laden tree branch falling on the power lines and ruining your holiday happy.
  • How much non-perishable food do you need for one day to one week? This is something I had not thought about until faced with the prospect of being iced in for three days and staring at an appallingly empty refrigerator. I jetted out to the store at midnight four hours before the storm hit to get "essentials" - and yes, it's sad (tragically bougie, really) the items I decided were essential to my survival for three days. Let's just say if any of you are ever stranded at my house in a storm, it's a four - five star experience. SMH.
  • I don't really need to remind people about allowing your faucets to drip and keeping interior doors open so that your heat can circulate and keep pipes from freezing and bursting, do I? I didn't think so.
  • Flashlights, blankets, boots, gloves, fire-making implements, two of my books to read, water and chocolate...  you're set. :)

Now that I've shared things I'm so sure you already knew, feel free to add your own tips and advice in the comments. 

Hey, you didn't really think I'd let a snowy winter event come without reminding everyone (as we do each year around this time in Bougieland) about the tragic Snowpocalypse story? Let this be a lesson unto you...

Thoughts, comments, insights?

A week in the life... of a Bougie Chick


Crazy, crazy week. It started off in Florida where we, collectively as a fam, overstayed our Holiday welcome by at least one day at BougieSis' house. The true highlight was Monday afternoon when Sis, Bro & I attempted to have three separate conference calls at once. Crouching Conference Calls, Dueling Laptops... get into it. I celebrated CyberMonday by starting my Christmas shopping online and doing some book giveaways. Good times.

Tuesday was a blur because I stayed up late on Monday night writing. Sometimes a story rolls through my head like a movie and I just type what I see. When that happens, I literally work until I drop because I never know if it's going to flow that easily again. So despite the caffeine, I couldn't tell you what happened that day except for a great dinner at a little bistro BougieSis found. That was awesome. 

Wednesday was a travel day. Jumped up, restored Sis' house to some sort of order, worked for a few hours and then hopped a flight. Not sure why but I was uber-productive. I wrote about twenty pages in two hours which is definitely not my norm. The flight landed early - win. My luggage was the first off the carousel -win. The shuttle to the parking lot came right on time - win. I had a message from my Project Manager to call him urgently - FAIL. I called him back and he told me that he was over budget and I was an "expensive resource" so he had to lay me off. Friday would be my last day. What? Oookay. 

I was steaming because I had literally turned down two other opportunities earlier in the week trying to be dedicated to this tragic-assed consulting assignment. Had he given me some indication this was coming, I could have lined up another project. I listened to him talk about how much they were going to miss my expertise and then I said the appropriate "it's been great working with you" and got off the phone. 

The minute I got home (can we pause to chat about how I live in the third floor and this life hauling up two suitcases, a laptop case, purse, mail and coat is not the business  No? Moving on..), I started firing off emails. I work for a company that does HR consulting and there are always projects going or coming up so I started internally. Then I fired out emails to people who had reached out to see what was open in the market. I had a short one-sided argument with Jesus whereupon I demanded that He reveal just some of His master plan for me before I yanked out my hair and then I went to bed.

Cue up Thursday. Two calls from two exes and they both left me confused. I'm not sure what they want or whether I'm even interested in listening. Then the calls for interviews started coming in. So I was laid off Wednesday at 6:22pm. I had not one but two job offers by Thursday at 5:09pm. I hastily apologized to Jesus and promised to do better.

I watched Scandal last night with my wine and popcorn. Cannot be the same group of writers working on Scandal and Grey's Anatomy. Grey's lately makes me want to fight the air. Scandal is absolutely riveting. 

Anyway, it's Friday. I woke up with the migraine from hell but I'm powering through. I have a ton of writing and editing to get through this weekend and I start my new job on Monday. How was your week?