Love means never having to say you're sorry - Says who?

*Blogger's note: In light of yesterday's tragedy, I was going to scrap the series and blog about something more serious... then I thought we probably need something a little light today. So here it is...

Continuing Famous Movie Quotes I don't Believe in week has brought us to the 1970's classic, Love Story, based on a novel of the same name by Erich Segal. He penned epic heartstrings and violin inducing sagas of love and loss. People adored this movie. I was one of those who when I was old enough to get it, sat through it with many plates of skepticism peppered with side-eye and a few helpings of some "for real tho" on the side.

In a synopsis:

Rich preppy dude (Ryan O'Neal) at Harvard meets po' preppy chick (Ali MacGraw) from Radcliffe. It's Romeo and Juliet redone, kinda. She tries to make him less white bread, he tries to keep her mostly naked. Romance follows. They fight and she tearfully tells him, "Love means never having to say you're sorry," thus letting him off the hook for his jackassery. His family hates her and cuts him off, they struggle, she gets sick and succumbs. His father is shamed and apologizes and dude tells him, "Love means never having to say you're sorry," thus letting him off the hook for his jackassery.

You see my issue here? By never admitting wrong doing and apologizing, I feel you're being let off the hook for whatever you did wrong in the first place giving you implicit invitation to continue to do wrong without consequence. Me no likey. Someone on the innanets agrees with me, here's their illustration:

Okay?!

I think love means saying you're sorry before you're backed into a corner and there's nothing else to say. I think saying you're sorry and following it up with actions proving you're sorry and will do better is a great way to love. Now on the other hand, if you're just throwing around I'm sorry like dirty Kleenexes, you might as well not say anything all. And that's not love.

I distinctly recall an ex who gave great apology. If apologizing for wrongdoing was an Olympic sport dude would be the Michael Phelps of that ish. He would get down on his knees in front of me, give the sorrowful chock-full of remorse look, drop his voice an octave, take my hand in his and say, "I genuinely apologize, Michele. I did not mean to hurt you." He always followed this up with some flavor of grand gesture and the obligatory knock-it-out-the-park-so-she-wont-remember-what-she-was-mad-about cocoa. This worked... until it got repetitive and by then I knew what was coming before he one-kneed on the carpet. Keep yo' sorrys when they don't meant a damn thing except "sorry until the next time I eff up" or "sorry I got caught and have to say I'm sorry again." :-/

But when they do mean something (and often they do), I think they should be said and meant and shored up by better behavior. Maybe that's just me? Am I the only one who sees the value in a well-done apology? Or do the people you love never really have to say it? Do share...

You jump, I jump... wait, what?

Kicking off Famous Movie Quotes I don't Believe in Week - yes, I made it up... Let's start with the iconic meme from the tragic blockbuster Titanic. In a synopsis:

Jack, po' ass with a heart-of-gold artist, lands ticket on the most fabulous yet doomed ship in the world. Also aboard are really, really rich and really, really poor folks. One of the sorta-really-really-rich-but-really-just-pimping-herself-out-for-the-dollas passengers is blue blooded, hot tempered and flame haired Rose.

Jack loves his life, Rose hates hers. Her fiance is a snob who treats her rather like an accessory, her mama is a money-grubbin' social climber and she has no real friends to speak of. After a deadly dull dinner party where she can anticipate a life of nothing but more of the same, she decides to hell with it, death is better that this cold ass lobster and cold ass life.

She runs (in a formal gown that looked like it weighed a ton) across the ship and up to the far deck so she can fling herself into the Atlantic thus ending her cold, tragic life in an equally cold and tragic way. Jack, on the other hand, is chilling on deck looking at the start and getting his smoke on. Rose runs past him and he feels obligated to help. A meet-cute follows in which he talks her out of jumping by saying he would have to jump as well and did she want that on her conscience? A famous line is born: "You jump, I jump." They repeat this a few more times strengthening the bond of their love until an iceberg ruins alladat and she's left standing alone on Ellis Island in the rain with a fake name and a priceless jewel in her pocket while he's at the bottom of the Atlantic forever forgotten by everyone except her. (There was other stuff but ya'll have seen it, right?) And so their hearts will go on (see what I did there) and the romantic legend of you-jump-I-jump takes hold.

Ummkay - yeah, that really, really depends on the person and the situation. I call bullshiggity on a blanket, sure I'll jump with you cosign. A part of me really wants to be that ride or die, you-jump-I-jump chick and the other part of me says... I'm here for reason. If you jump, Imma mourn you and keep it pushing.

I thought about this last week when I caught up with an old friend of mine from college. Haven't seen him in years. We briefly dated but I spied some self-destructive tendencies and pulled the rip cord early. In fact, it was when he'd been picked up by the law for the second time that I opted not to bail him out and instead, just bailed. Through the years I wondered if I bailed too soon or if I should have either hung in there with him or helped prop him up while he got on his feet. Fast forward to today. Well... dude has been married four times and has seven kids by five different woman. He's currently on parole and lives in the basement of his sister's house. In his words, "I just couldn't get my do-right working full-time. Looked for too many soft landings, I guess." I didn't know what exactly that meant except that whew! Bullet dodged.

You're not meant to jump in the deep end with everybody. Some folks you are even meant to put a pinkie toe in the water with. If you see something in a person that says, yes- they have a parachute or yes, you're only jumping three feet or yes, they'll catch me? Go ahead and jump. Otherwise, wave buh-bye and think of them fondly.

BougieLand, what say you? Are you a "you-jump-I-jump" person or do you require some parameters for all of that? Do share...

Brown Sugar - WWYD?

Sanaa Lathan is the career woman on the rise. She's got the swag job, the trendy apartment, the cute wardrobe and no man (at first). She does have a good friend from childhood though. Taye Diggs plays the music exec with a crisis of conscience and a high maintenance fiance. He's so glad his good friend is moving back to NYC. Now they can hang out, he can give her dating tips, all sorts of fun is just around the corner. Nicole Ari Parker plays Taye's bougie-in-a-bad-way s/o and Boris Kodjoe plays Sanaa's self-absorbed (can we say stereotype?) baller boyfriend. In supporting sidekick roles are Queen Latifah and Mos Def (who kind of stole the movie). Anyway, put yourself in this situation:

You and one particularly tasty friend of yours go way back to elementary school days. You've seen each other through a lot and the friendship is still hanging in. You two are like grits and shrimp. (No? Too Southern?) You two are like popcorn and butter. Sure, you've wondered what it might be like to play clothes-free cocoa games with them but you value the friendship. You've been known to stare at this person like they are the last shrimp on the buffet and it's been a minute since you had seafood. Funny, they look at you the same way. But the timing is always off and now you're seeing somebody and they just got out of a bad relationship. 

Dear readers - what would you do? Would you risk losing a lifelong friendship to see if the chemistry is there for a real chance at love with your best friend? Or do you keep your pals in the friend zone and never cross that line? Do best friends make the best lovers? Who has ended up in a romantic relationship with a long-time friend and how did it turn out? Do tell...

The Matrix - WWYD?

Keanu Reeves is a technical genius, a bit of a loner/loser, and is looking for meaning in his life. He's got the boring efficiency apartment, the cubicle job and no love life worth mentioning.  Love interest Carrie Ann Moss is a kick-ass cyberbabe with superpowers and the ability to wear vinyl and leather like nobody's business. Enter Laurence Fishburne, mind-bending bad-ass guru with a vision and a plan (and a bit of a God complex). All Keanu has to do is believe and he can save mankind (and wear cool black outfits while doing it). Put yourself in this situation:

You always suspected that there was some grand conspiracy going on around you. The world is not always as it seems. Someone supersexy approaches you and shows you things about yourself and your world you're not sure you're ready to know. Then supersexy person takes you to the leader and he offers you a choice. If you take the red pill, your life will go on as is. The world as you know it will the same. If you take the blue pill, nothing will ever be the same again. You are entering into an unknown. Exciting, tantalizing but still... unknown.

Good folks of BougieLand, what would you do? Do you take the red pill or the blue pill? What I'm asking is: Are you a pinky toe in the shallow end or high dive into the deep end? Are you a risk-taker? Would you venture into the unknown with no guarantees and no turn-back? Have you always been this way? Do you think you would ever change? Why? Think on it and then share...

Just Wright - WWYD?

Queen Latifah plays the plus-sized beauty with a heart of gold that is always the gal-pal. Common plays the sweet though slightly clueless baller with abandonment issues, a helicopter mom and an expiring NBA contract. Paula Patton plays the wisp-thin gold-digging, entitled, (unemployed) cute cousin who is out to get hers, no matter what. Heart of gold chick meets baller and before sparks can really turn into something, gold digging cousin makes her move. Calamity befalls baller. He is wounded. Gold-digger bolts for greener pastures. Enter heart of gold chick to save the day. Soup, bidwhist and rainy nights by the piano follow. Baller is saved and thanks heart of gold chick with gifts and cocoa. Now put yourself in this situation:

You just spent an amazing evening with someone you're totally falling in love with. The next morning you wake up in their bed and find breakfast waiting for you. All is right with your world. Before the morning after glow has worn off, the doorbell rings. It's your new boo's ex (NBE) who wants back in. Your new potential s/o is conflicted and asks for time to think.

BougieLand - What would you do? Do you stay and fight for the new relationship? Do you stay and beat down NBE? Do you bounce and let someone have the love of your life? Do you have "friends" that you don't trust around your s/o? And last but least... is love stronger than pride? Do share...